Well blogging folks, guess what?
My daughter just turned 1 in March.
Guess what else?
We are about 3 months pregnant with our next kiddo.
For you mathematicians out there, that means we were expecting this new baby before my last baby turned one.
It has been very interesting telling people about this pregnancy and that we are expecting again after everyone knows we just celebrated my daughter’s 1st birthday. Granted, I do not live in Utah, so a lot of these comments come from people who are not members of the church. But some of these have come from church members. Here are some of the common responses that I get, from people in both groupings:
You are so brave!
(Ma’am, I promise you it was not an act of bravery that got me to this pregnant state.)
Looks like you guys know how to make that happen- you’ve figured it out!
(Sir, I promise you that every newlywed figures it out. It doesn’t take 3 kids and 8 years of marriage to do that!)
Finally-
You guys are sure faithful Mormons.
This one baffled me. Said by members and people not members alike.
Because how does my success in the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth make me a faithful person?
It’s a strange commandment to think about. If people really believe that their faith results in a lot of children- then what is to be said of those who- by no fault of their own and who are fully ready to embrace the challenges of parenthood- spend years and even decades with no children?
This thought has weighed on my mind. I have been frustrated as time and time again I hear people equate faithfulness with lots of children. I cringed a little bit to hear speakers introduced with the number of children or grandchildren they claim as part of their achievements.
Achievements! Achievements! My children are not that. It led me to evaluate what I really think about motherhood. It is more than a job. To equate it to something so temporary brings down what it really is- it is part of my very being. My children are not achievements. They are not a checklist items on my step to eternity. They are my purpose. They are my happiness. They are my late night worries and my very will to live, to forgive, to be better and try harder.
I am lucky and blessed to have them. They are not a symbol of my faithfulness. I dare say there are many childless couples much more faithful than my husband and are. But for whatever heavenly reason, they do not have children.
I began searching in the scriptures for explanations to confirm my thoughts regarding my opinions on having children. Was I right- or are children actually a sign of someone’s faithfulness?
While pondering on this I attended Stake Conference and heard a wonderful talk given by a newly sustained Young Women’s Counselor. She shared a story of a family home evening in which her family compared the important things of the priesthood to the important things of the world.
To my surprise they had put “family” under the important things of the world. I was aghast for a moment as my mind worked through this. Thankfully, this faithful sister relied on scriptural references to explain what was important to the things of the priesthood. She cited to the oath and covenant of the priesthood in D & C 121. She was right. Nowhere in there does it say, “And behold you are should have charity and beget at least three children in four years time.”
And it was also right in that it is a thing of the world to evaluate and classify children, parenting, and mothering. The whole personal meditation on the matter has led me to avoid the mommy blogs. I have tried to look at people for who they are and not their number of children. I’ve noticed some parenting styles that are devoid of charity, love, and long-suffering. And yet these people are seen as successful in the eyes of the world- merely because they have children.
Oh my friends. My Mormon friends. How often do we follow the way of the world and value the worth of a mother, father, a wife without children, or a husband without children based on their ability to pro-create? Their success in adoption?
I also really enjoyed Elder Christofferson’s talk this past conference, which seemed to touch on this very issue. My favorite quote from his talk being, “No one is predestined to receive less than all that the Father has for His children.”
Isn’t that amazing. While the bottom line is that God knows our hearts and our desires greater than any outward or physical manifestation can, I wish and hope that church members can avoid assuming a person’s faithfulness by their number of children.
And the other way around- are we overlooking faithful members willing and able to serve just because they don’t have kids- or they only have one or few children?
I hope that I remember to judge a person’s faithfulness, or ability to serve in a calling based on those traits listed in D & C 121— and not their ability to rapidly multiply and replenish the earth.