If you spent any time around Mormons in Utah, you probably noticed there is a recurring theme in many of the prayers.
Moisture.
From AliciaBenton
It’s an awful word.
From BuzzFed
I mean REALLY awful.
From MemeCenter
It’s kind of understandable. Utah is a desert and therefore needs all the mois… water it can get.
From QuickMeme.
By why does EVERYONE here say moisture?
From AllThingsOrganic.
Below is a list of replacement words that my wife Stephanie and I thought of to use instead of that gross, nasty, repulsive word.
1. Precipitation
This is a pretty standard word. It can be used to mean either rain or snow. Both of which are super important in Utah. That way there, is no reason to change liquid vernacular for the different seasons.
2. Lluvia
There has to be half a dozzen Spanish speakers in any given ward. No me jodas, lluvia hay que ser mejor que “moisture.” In Costa Rica, where I served, the verb “joder” is not a bad word. I know in some countries it is.
3. Water
You know… if you want a specific answer you need to ask a specific question.
4. Angel Tears
These are tears of joy of course.
5. Snowman Cadavers
Frosty isn’t the spring of ever-living water, but he can keep my grass green.
6. Recycled Dinosaur Sweat
Just to give the water an eternal perspective of sorts.
7. Mormon-wine
Water does have a track record of turning into wine.
8. Diet Flood
Basically what we really want, is Noah’s flood without all the extra calories. And by calories, I mean dead stuff.
9. Drizzle
It’s the reason why Snoop Dogg always has an umbrella.
10. Netflix and Chill Weather
We all know we want that from time to time.
11. Showers
Whether baby showers or bridal showers or hot showers. We all love a good shower.
12. Organic tap water
If it’s organic it’s better right?
13. Sprinkle
It rhymes with “tinkle,” which makes it kid friendly.
14. California Moonshine
Because it was obviously outlawed there this past year.
15. Natural Car Cleaner
That is unless you just recently got your car cleaned at an actual car wash.
16. Low-sodium ocean water
For those of us watching our salt intake.
17. Condensation
This would make Bill Nye the Science Guy proud.
18. Watermelon, hold the melon
Make sure to hold the melon. That’d be awful if we asked for just watermelon.
19. Ice Juice
It’s like orange juice… but with ice.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
20. Rain/Snow
Can we just do this? Let’s just call it what it is. Please?!
Anything but moisture would be great.