We are well on way to full blown Holiday Spirit, but there is something else in the air as well…can you smell it? Mingled in with the baked goods, and baked hams, and baked baked stuff? It is the unmistakable smell of Fear.

If you are anything like me, then along with it being the hap-happiest time of the year! the holidays can also bring a lot of stress and worry for a myriad of reasons.  There is all that shopping to be done, getting everyone EXACTLY what they wanted, driving in white-out conditions to the Wal-Mart at 3am on Black Friday just to be the first in line for that new deep fryer you’ve had your eye on, and of course, let us not forget the stress of the inevitable weight gain that comes along with enjoying our holiday season.

For some, the months of October through January 1st signify a food-free-for-all, and a anything-goes attitude when it comes to indulgences, but for others like myself, the Holidays were some of the hardest months of the year. Having only recently entered recovery from an eating disorder that lasted the better part of 12 years, I still know the anxiety that this otherwise festive season can bring.

I remember how vigilant I had to become during these holiday months. If I knew I was going to a party  where there would more than certainly be “naughty” food, then I might starve myself all day in preparation. Or if I felt I had indulged too much at said party, I might also force myself to the gym either that same night or the next morning for sure where I would pay penance for my sins on the treadmill for hours at a time. This was/is not a happy or healthy way to live, and even though I know that my example is on one extreme end of the spectrum, I also know (because I hear them talking about it all the time) that many otherwise “normal” eaters tend to go a little cray-cray during the holi-day-day in an attempt to not gain any weight.

Men get a “No Shave November”….they even have a website…  http://www.no-shave.org/

So what I am proposing for us ladies (but men can join too) is a “No SHAME November”….Here are the rules…

1. NO Stepping on the Scale for the Entire Month

I’ll be honest, when I was fresh into my recovery this was the hardest thing for me to do, but it also became the most liberating. I can honestly say that currently I have no idea how much I weigh, nor have I for over a year now. My doctor weighs me at my yearly check up, and unless he specifically says something about it, I assume it is a non-issue.

I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly liberating it is to be free from the scale. For YEARS of my life I let that stupid arbitrary number dictate EVERYTHING. If the number was up, my day was ruined, and if it was down I felt a sense of momentary relief, but I knew I had to be even more vigilant to maintain the “success” . If the number was up then I felt like an ugly, frumpy, piece of garbage and I would usually punish myself by going to the gym. If the number was down, I felt like I was finally living up to the expectations of beauty and I would usually reward myself by going on a date. Point is…THE NUMBER DOESN’T MATTER!!! What matters is how you FEEL. Does your body feel like it has energy? Do you feel like if the Zombie apocalypses were to strike today that you would be able to outrun the guy next to you? Do you feel like you can climb a flight of stairs, or lift your toddler, or run errands without being totally laid out for the next three hours? You don’t have to be a triathlete or a ripped body builder, but just so long as you feel healthy then stop worrying about what the scale says. One Month. No Scale. No Exceptions.

2. NO Counting Calories…OR Carbs…OR Fat grams …OR ANYTHING

I know…I know…It seems like an impossible task, and some of you might be wondering how it is that you are going to be able to keep track of if you have had enough/too much for the day. One of the biggest parts of recovery for me was learning how to trust my body again. I’ll be honest, it hasn’t been easy, and after a year and a half, there are days when my body and I still battle one another when it comes to nutrition. I had starved myself for so long that my body had forgotten how to be hungry. To some this might sound like a blessing, but for me, it has made my recovery extremely difficult. Most people have natural functioning drives that tell them when they are hungry, and when they are full,  so instead of counting every calorie that goes in your mouth, why not instead try going back to that God given default program call hunger, fullness, and listening to what you body really wants to eat.

I know this must sound overly simplistic to some, and true, it needs to be stated that people who have been nutrient deficient for years due to poor diet, or over exercising, or yo-yo dieting might have a hard time with their hunger/fullness/craving ques. Think of it as like whenever you eat Chinese Food, your belly might be technically full, but you body is still hungry. Quantity isn’t the problem here, it is straight up Quality. I remember when I was anorexic I still ate a decent amount of food, but the food I was eating was doing nothing to nourish and strengthen my body, and do me the good I needed, and because of that, my body always felt starved at a cellular level, which would inevitably lead to episodes of binge eating.

I know you might not believe me (I wouldn’t have believed me either) But I swear to you that when your body is properly nourished, you will naturally and easily find yourself more and more disinterested in sweets and junk food. The reason why those sorts of things appeal to so many right now is because they are extremely nutrient deficient, and when you are deficient you are always tired, and when you get tired your body heads for the most accessible and quick energy sources it can….mainly sugar and simple carbs.

But wait, didn’t I just say that you were not to count calories and so forth? Yes, and I still mean it. If you are at a party (properly nourished) and a plate of Rice Krispy Treats in the shape of reindeer are calling your name, then for heaven sake, HAVE THE RICE KRISPY!!! Now, if your body is severely nutrient deficient, chance are you are going to feel the desire to eat the whole platter, but if, on the other hand, you have been taking care of your bodies nutritional needs, then more than likely one will be enough.

Trust me, when I was anorexic I had a sugar tooth that would have put Wonka out of business, but when I got to the point where I wasn’t starving on a cellular level, (which for me meant embracing Fat…Yes, FAT…Glorious Fat) I would often find myself in a situation where I was done after only one bite, but NOT because I was telling myself I couldn’t have it. It was truly because I didn’t want it. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty we are free at last!!

3. NO Body Shamming Comments/Practices/Behaviors about Yourself or Others

Life is hard enough without you beating you up about what you wish was different about your body. I will admit, this is probably the hardest one for me still to this day. Even though I am not technically Anorexic anymore, I still tend to see myself through the eyes of the disease. It sucks to gain weight, like…REALLY sucks, even if it was weight that my body desperately needed, but what is worse than the weight gain, is what I am telling myself about the weight gain. Can you suspend your reality for moment and imagine a world where you were elated to see that number move up? Or better yet, how about a world where number and size had zero emotional impact on you. Oh look, I sat down…Oh look, I gained 5lbs…nothing.

I know how easy it is to sit with a group of girl friends and play the “Who hates their body more!!” game, and I know how easy  social media makes it for us to feel like everyone in the world has toned sexy abs except for us. But again, as simplistic as it sounds, it really comes down to this…You can either be part of the hate-storm,or you can choose to not participate. I’m not saying it going to be easy. I don’t think many people (women in particular) are even aware of how often they do it. It has become one of the ways we as women bond…as sad as that seems, and maybe that is because it is something that we can all relate to. I don’t know that I have ever met a one solitary woman who wasn’t down on herself about whatever she believed to be her  personal physical short comings.

So for one month…ONE MONTH (and then we can go back to hating ourselves…or not) we resolve to not make any sort of commentary about weight or appearance…WHICH INCLUDES commenting on someone who has LOST weight. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t need to be pointed out, not relevant for our salvation, not helping us become better people or a better world, so don’t do it. One month. We can do it.

*This also includes “punishing” yourself for indulging, making justifications to others as to why you are “allowing” yourself to have that 3rd cookie, labeling foods as “good” or “bad”, playing with foods (edging cakes, cutting off “just a taste”), or anything else that turns your relationship with food into a game as opposed to something you do to nourish your body*

I could go on, but I don’t want to over-complicate things. Let’s just start with these and see where the month takes us.

NO SHAME NOVEMBER