We’re a worldwide church, it’s true. But even if you’re a native English speaker in Utah, you may find these Mormons using words and phrases not presently part of your vernacular. Your friends here at the Cultural Hall have put together a quick vocabulary list for non-, new and otherwise confused members.
Trek: a reenactment of pioneer journeys across the plains to the Promised Land (Utah). They can range from intense – handcarts in Wyoming, moving campsites, food rations – to casual – walking circular routes, cabins in eastern Utah, pizza night. The purpose is to reconnect with our pioneer heritage and to learn from the spiritual sacrifices of saints. The reality is 300 sweaty, dust-covered teenagers in school buses driving across Utah.
Ma: the called “mother” for your “pioneer” family on trek, guaranteed to cry daily but surprise you with her terrifying ferocity during the women’s pull.
Pa: the called “father” for your “pioneer” family on trek, guaranteed to forget your name and stress about the particular whereabouts & conditions of the gear.
Girl’s Camp: run by your local ward or your larger stake, this is a gathering of women and girls in the wilderness (unless you’re a holier-than-thou WEST COASTER STAYING IN HOTELS. They are great and spacious buildings. Just sayin.) learning survival and spiritual skills. At least one Beehive (1st or 2nd year girl) will get lost, someone will get stinging nettle all over their legs on the hike because they wore shorts EVEN THOUGH THE YWP TOLD THEM NOT TO BRING ANY SHORTS, and a large animal (bear, cougar, moose) will allegedly threaten the campsite at night.
Scout Camp: an even larger group of youths, this time reckless teen boys with firearms, bows & arrows, and canoes. They spend the week completing various tasks and learning activities to earn colorful patches – THE SACRED MERIT BADGE. Some indoor kid will try to bring an XBOX. If any girls are working the campsites they will be inundated with mild sexual harassment the entire week. Let’s give a bunch of pubescent boys an axe, what could go wrong?
Youth Conference: all of the teens 14-18, boys and girls, will go on some sort of adventure – sometimes the aforementioned Trek. Boys and girls campgrounds are separated by the length of 1,000 Books of Mormon and patrolled all night long by the Bishop and the 3 Nephites. If not on Trek they may hike, whine about hiking, river raft, act macho about ropes courses but chicken out, perform giggly skits and cry during testimony meeting. Some sort of chastity/dating lesson will be included but skimmed over quickly as literally no one wants to do it.
Pioneer Day: On July 24th Utah observes some combination of Independence Day, Patriots Day, Christmas and Easter as we celebrate the first steps of Brigham Young and the pioneers into the Salt Lake Valley. Your local ward/stake/town will pull out all the stops. It may include but isn’t limited to: reenactments, churning your own butter, wearing bonnets, parades, carnivals, races, fireworks and other things that are only marginally related to our pioneer ancestors. But as many buttery giant scones as you can eat!
May your handcarts and hearts be light as we enter this most blessed season!