By: Alisha Worthington 

Here in the Mountain West feminism is still a bit of a taboo concept. If you’re a feminist here you’re probably thought of as a man-hating, bra-burning, picketer out to destroy the very fabric of society. However, there are promising changes occurring which would suggest that perhaps you can be a feminist and still attend church each Sunday, with your husband — who is a man — and not be thought of as some menstruating lunatic.

That said, I have a beef with “The Feminists” (I’m going to use a capital T and F to really distinguish “them” from me) because they have absolutely ruined something that for thousands of years was working just fine — Sex.

Sex used to be easy before They came along. A girl used to grow up knowing someday she would probably marry and produce as many children as possible. That somehow the act of intercourse and growing a baby had something to do with one another was at times a bit fuzzy, but who really cared? A woman knew her duty and she did it. If she happened to experience any sort of pleasure as an unintentional by-product of said copulation, well, maybe it was a bonus, or maybe it was a sign she was a whore. Who knew?

Luckily the Bible provided guidance in this area. Eve is the classic example of a woman gone awry. She “desired” the fruit and ate it (Genesis 3:6), and look at what that desire cost her, and us all. Female desire was something to be avoided at all costs, and the world took that lesson seriously. That model has provided safety and security for thousands of years.

And yet, now, there are media sources and so-called enlightened individuals, out there telling women it’s okay, and even necessary to have their own sexual desire! Every time an upstanding woman, who’s just doing her best to fulfill her role, stands in the check-out line Oprah is willing to give her some list describing how she can “Increase Your Desire!” Cosmo is practically yelling at her to figure out “How to tell my man what turns me on.” I mean, how can we continue to ignore Oprah? So, the upstanding woman almost buys the magazine, but doesn’t because what if the Relief Society President happens to suddenly show up?

And then there’s this deeper part of her that is literally too frightened to buy it. Desire? Wants? Foreplay? She’s not sure she even knows how to think about those ideas. I mean, she knows how to be desirable, and to be wanted — as evidenced from standing on a pedestal her entire life to be adored and admired — but doesn’t have the first clue about what it means to acknowledge and own she might have her own sexual desire. She’s been taught her entire life to subdue and control those thoughts and feelings to the point they’re almost non-existent because of this underlying fear that if she even let those out for one minute, the society as we know it might tear itself to pieces. Or at least she might cause some poor boy to think bad thoughts of his own about her, and that’s just as bad.

So, here’s the kicker, and why I’m so ticked at those d##n Feminists. And if you didn’t think the above was bad enough, this is definitely worse. I’m sure you’ll be angry, too. Because, now, women are supposed to actually enjoy and want sex — and a lot of it! Moreover, what has always been considered his job — knowing how her body works and what she wants — is being unfairly placed on her shoulders. Now, instead of telling her new husband on her wedding night, “I saved myself for you,” and wait for him to do whatever it is he’s going to do, she’s actually expected to participate and experience “emotional bonding,” which is really code for explosive, orgasmic sex. Participate? Own? Take responsibility? Enjoy? Want? Do we really want women enjoying, wanting, participating in, and taking responsibility for their own sexual needs? That’s a slippery slope folks.

But how does a woman who has never been taught about her own sexuality, or been encouraged to learn about and explore her own body, supposed to do that? Is she really supposed to know and understand what turns her on so she can tell him? Is it okay to already be naked in bed when her husband gets in and start kissing him in a way that would indicate SHE wants to have sex with him — and not just for procreative or “bonding” purposes? Is it okay to for her to think about sex during the day? Can she still be the Primary President even though she had a “quickie” with her husband five minutes before church — initiated by her?

The poor girl is so confused, and so is her poor husband. Gone are the days when he could’ve just been satisfied with “duty sex.” In this 21st century feminist crap he has actually been taught to care about and see her as an individual with her own wants and desires, who is no longer his “property” to do with what he will. He notices when she “pretends” and feels like he’s using her. (Enter masculine feminism, which is causing problems of its own, so let’s not go there.) This situation is unsustainable for either of them, causing them to embark on some sort of new-age journey toward creating space for real desire and individual expression — the fabric of society be damned.

Some in our culture are trying their hardest to fight this onslaught ideas by equating virtue with modesty, telling girls they are “walking pornography” and making sure girls continue to understand they are the gatekeepers for male sexuality. But sadly, I think more and more of them just aren’t willing to buy what the culture is selling. Gone are the good ole’ days. I can hear the fabric ripping as I write this.

If we look into the future, I see only bleak times ahead. A woman who claims her own sexual identity and stands as an individual within a marriage is a creature not seen before. Who knows how she will act? Or how the couple will act? If she starts thinking about sexual desire, what else might she think about? All the work of the past 1000 years to keep women in check might come completely undone and then what are we left with? A thoughtful, bold, powerful, compassionate individual ready to take her place in the relationship, standing next to an equally thoughtful, bold, powerful and compassionate partner, and there won’t be any stopping them, and we wouldn’t want that.

So that’s why I’m mad at The Feminists. They’ve just ruined everything.

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Who are the Mormon Sex Girls? Our names are Kristin and Alisha and we are known as The Sex Girls.  We are co-authors of newly published book “Real Intimacy: A Couple’s Guide to Genuine, Healthy Sexuality”, Kristin is a Sex Therapist and Alisha is a sex and intimacy coach.  The best part is we are sisters and not just sisters in the gospel, but literal sisters.  Our goal and mission is to start having conversations about sex and intimacy in our culture so we can have healthier and happier relationships.  Intimacy is an important part of that.  We accomplish this in a variety of ways through workshops, therapy, coaching, radio and television but we also answer real questions from real people to help where they feel stuck.

Send us your questions and we’ll give you answers.  You maintain complete confidentiality, so your identify is safe with us.  You can find us at realintimacybook.com, thehealinggroup.com, facebook/askthesexgirls or email: askthesexgirls@gmail.com