D&C 121: 37 reads, “That they may be conferred upon us, it is true; but when we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride, our vain ambition, or to exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.”

Parents feel the need to steer their children in the right direction by setting rules, in only for their own good. Giving children a curfew, setting rules about going out on school nights, dating, etc., are all for their child’s own well-being. However I think most people would agree that there is a line drawn in the sand where rules can transition into the practice of unrighteous dominion.

There are four distinct parenting styles. First, there is authoritarian parenting. In this form of parenting, strict rules are set for children, yet the parents are “unresponsive” to the questions children may have about authority. The standard response is, “because I said so.” Second is authoritative parenting. In this form of parenting, the parents are willing to respond to children’s questions of authority while setting rules for them to follow. Third, permissive parenting, involves having few demands and few consequences for their children. These parents will, “often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.” Fourth, uninvolved parenting, involves parents who are almost completely detached from their children.

Since family is such a large emphasis of the LDS church, I thought I would take a little time to analyze the authoritarian style, and consequences, from an LDS perspective.

The affects of authoritarian parenting on children can be unhappiness and low self esteem. Also, the children become extremely obedient. Children obeying their parents is important. In D&C 130:19 it says, “And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.” While it is important to explain to children the blessings of obeying their parents, where should we draw the line?

Another side-affect of authoritarian parenting is children being frightened by making their own decisions. In April of 2012, Elder Larry Y. Wilson gave a talk titled, Only upon the Principles of Righteousness. In his talk, Elder Wilson discusses children exercising free agency.

“If we wait until they walk out the door to turn over to them the reins of their moral agency, we have waited too long. They will not suddenly develop the ability to make wise decisions if they have never been free to make any important decisions while in our homes. Such children often either rebel against this compulsion or are crippled by an inability to make any decisions on their own.”

By always relying on parents to make their decisions, when the time comes for the children to make decisions by themselves, waves of doubt, discouragement and anxiety can overwhelm them.

One Sunday afternoon, after church meetings had adjourned, Satan stood across the street from the building. As he waited for people to emerge from their meetings to walk to their cars, he said to the imp on his shoulder, “I want you to run over and discourage these people. They are happy, and I am not. Make them feel unhappy too.”

The imp jumped from the devil’s shoulder and sauntered across the street. Soon, a man emerged from the front doors of the chapel.

“I had a great lesson in Sunday school. It was just what I needed to hear,” the man said to himself. At this the imp climbed to his shoulder. There he whispered, “You are discouraged.”

The man replied, seemingly to himself, “That was a great lesson, and I’m really glad I went, but I really need to get that report done for tomorrow.”

Not satisfied yet, the imp whispered again, “You are very discouraged.”

The man raked his fingers through his hair while digging his car keys from his pocket. “I don’t know how I’m going to have time to get everything done for the week. This is really stressing me out.” The man got into his car, feeling utterly discouraged.

Now satisfied, the imp grinned. Rubbing his hands together in obvious pleasure, he scurried back across the street to the devil’s shoulder.

Through discouragement we can become more vulnerable to the tools of the devil. In Moroni 7:12 it says, “Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and to do that which is evil continually.”

These are not natural tendencies I hope any parent would want to instill in their children. By teaching children to pray, receive revelation and recognize that revelation, they are able to exercise their free agency at a higher and more spiritual capacity.

Elder Wilson says, “Wise parents prepare their children to get along without them. They provide opportunities for growth as children acquire the spiritual maturity to exercise their agency properly. And yes, this means children will sometimes make mistakes and learn from them.”

Although it may be difficult to watch your children make their own decisions, fully knowing that they are not the right ones, it is a good exercise for children to test their own decision making skills.

So, if you know someone who grows upset because their child puts a sheet of cookies into the oven the wrong way, or their child doesn’t consult with them first before they tie their shoes, or the child asks their permission to breathe, they’re probably and authoritarian parent.

It is important to nurture our children with love and compassion. These building blocks of a relationship can only be built with trust, and a growing testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.