Ah yes, Mormons.

We don’t drink or smoke, we substitute caffeine for coffee (still trying to figure that one out), we avoid ‘R’ movies (but religiously watch Sex In the City and The Walking Dead), our women fantasize about being whisked away by blood sucking murderous vampires who glitter in sunlight, getting to home base for us is marriage, and we absolutely will not, under any circumstance, swear.

In my opinion, regarding the swearing, that’s a load of bullspit!

We are in fact the most creative swearers out there.

Sure we won’t say the socially acknowledged words such as the dirty ‘SH’ word, the demeaning ‘B’ word, let’s not forget the ‘D’ word (favorite of grumpy old men everywhere), and of course the jaw dropping, head shaking, just-put-your-mother-in-a-coma ‘F’ word.

So why don’t we say these words? Because the prophet said not to of course, and because we don’t need to.

Take an alcoholic for example. What happens when you take away all the liquor from their home? They get creative. Look at Prohibition. They found all the unique ways to make the stuff in their own bathtubs.

So have us Mormons.

We have become so good at avoiding ‘the word’, that we have created our own culture of literal Mormon swear words. Don’t believe me?

When we’re directed not to swear, do you think it’s so much ‘don’t say these letters together and form this word’ or is it more ‘don’t say something that has this negative meaning behind it’?

I can say to someone “You’re f___ing ugly”, but what if (as a non-swearing mormon) I say “You’re freaking ugly”. What changed? Oh, I didn’t swear so that made the sentence more kind; more Mormon friendly. Right?

I had a friend once tell me, “I don’t understand why you mormons don’t just swear. It’s not about the word as much as it is the intent behind the word, and you guys can be just as mean as anyone else”. Ouch!

Consider this: what makes a swear word a swear word? The word’s definition? Not really if you take in the fact that most swear words have clean roots (and are regulars in the Bible).

It’s a culture, a society that make words vulgar. Get enough people putting a negative spin on a word, and you’ve just created a swear word. We as mormons do it all the time. Shiz, bee-atch, frickin’, geez, and darn as examples. These are all words that we use as a collective society to say in place of what we consider real swear words.

What we have actually done is take the negative meaning behind the real words, and placed them onto these replacement words. Now I ask you, did we as Mormons just create a new culture of swearing?

So the next time you’re faced with a choice of words, be it shiz, darn, frick, bee-atch, or the real thing, don’t think so much about your tools and focus more on what you’re using those tools for.

As for me, I take my cuss words from Battle Star Galactica. So say we all.

-The Frakin’ Token Single Guy

 

P.S.- And to prove my ‘Mormon Culture of Swearing’ theory futher, see video below.

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