Who knew that being a mother would be the biggest challenge of my testimony? It’s hard to feel the spirit at church when I am also being a parent. This distraction is monumental. And because of it, I usually take the easy way out and go home, or find any reason not to attend church. For me, GOING to church was so important…bet yet, so frustrating. I’ve been on about a 4 year hiatus of “regular” church attendance. You know it’s bad when people ask…are you new in the ward? No, I’ve lived here for 4 years, thanks!
My 2012 New Year’s resolution was to attend all THREE hours of church. I know…for some of you, you are shaking your head…but for me, this is a really big deal. So far, I’m doing fairly well. The problem…I remembered why I don’t go to all three hours. IT’S HARD!! I’m a perfectionist with adult A.D.D which means being a Mormon working mother is the reason I get daily tension headaches.
Mormons are constantly STRIVING for perfection. Well, for perfectionists, the constantly striving part seems to set us a whirl. There are many Sundays I come home from church not feeling uplifted but feeling like I should jump off a building. The Mormon culture makes me feel inadequate.
Nurture your children! Don’t go into debt! Have family home evening! Have smart healthy kids! Say your prayers! Read your scriptures! Go to church! Food storage! Fulfill your calling! Visit teach! Have a clean home! Get educated! Go to bed early! Exercise! Etc, Etc, Etc!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Since I can’t have a glass of wine, drink a beer or smoke something to take me off the edge, here’s what I do: I know that Heavenly Father is also a perfectionist and is patient and understanding. But the MOST important thing…he made me and understands my craziness and for that, I can sleep at night and also have a testimony.
~Anonymous
Something that I just finally realized after 25 years living as a member of the Church might be able to help any of the other “perfectionist” Mormons out there that do feel that inadequacy that I know I have felt before.
The plan of salvation that was presented to us during pre-earth life was basically that we would get bodies and come to earth. During our time on Earth God knew and planned on us making mistakes. If we were suppose to be perfect then His plan would not have included Jesus Christ becoming our Savior. Jesus Christ is central to the Plan of Salvation for a reason! What I realized was that if Jesus is Central to the plan then making mistakes on earth is part of the plan. Bluntly stated “We were sent to Earth to make mistakes.” When I realized that the Plan of Salvation hinges on me making mistakes and learning from them I didn’t feel inadequate anymore. I don’t have to be perfect and make the right choice and/or live up to the Mormon Culture Stereotypes 100% of the time to be adequate. Learning from our mistakes is a process but to often we relate that learning from our mistakes is like touching a hot stove. “Once you touch a hot stove you learn not to touch it again.” And while this relates to some of the “biggies” (Chastity, Word of Wisdom, ect) other mistakes like reading your scriptures, FHE, and saying your prayers is like learning Math. We don’t start out learning Calculus or Trigonometry in Kindergarten we start with the basics. With these smaller mistakes we are “Becoming” like Christ. The mentality of a “Perfectionist” likes to substitute “Being” in place of “Becoming”. But the Plan of Salvation is to help us “Become” like Christ, not make us “Be” like Christ. “Becoming” really is a process that takes time and won’t be completed in a week, a year, or a decade.
Amazing response!
Starting back when I was a sister missionary, the catchword for me was balance. A lot of the sisters around me were already high achievers. And missions are tough so we kept reminding each other to be balanced. Work hard, have fun, and most of all repent whenever needed.
As I have aged, my perfectionism has waned dramatically and as it does, I have clearer vision, priorities. Most importantly, I can feel the love of the Savior and his acceptance of both what I accomplish and what I want to still accomplish. Or rather, when I’m being too hard on myself and when I need a kick in the pants. Balance.