The LDS church is one of the few churches in which nearly all the positions are performed by unpaid volunteers who are given “callings” for an indefinite period of time – which sometimes feels like and infinite period of time. In fact, I’ve always said that we’re a church who asks people to do things for free, and then we complain when it’s not done the way we think it should be! So, on to my complaining . . .

When I first moved into my ward, I was immediately called as a nursery leader over 16 kids. While I adore my own kid, I never really considered myself an “other people’s kids” person, but I accepted the calling, of course. I had a 12-month-old son I had to take to nursery while also leading nursery. It wasn’t impossible, but I was always exhausted when the 2 hours ended, as I’d hand my kid to my husband begging for a short break.

I tried to “magnify” my calling, as they say. But after about 14 months, I started getting burned out. I kind of stopped magnifying the calling and just went through the motions. 17 kids was a whole lot of kids, and too often, nursery teachers wouldn’t show up, or parents would bring sick kids in getting me, my child, and all the other kids sick – perpetuating a vicious cycle of a tired, overwhelmed, sick nursery leader who was getting increasingly less fond of other people’s kids. If I’m being completely honest, it got to the point where I kind of dreaded going to church. I finally did something I thought I’d NEVER do. I asked to be released.

I felt guilty about it. I was taught that you never say “no” to a calling because church callings were always inspired by God. And you didn’t ask to be released either. You’d be released when Heavenly Father wanted you to be released.

Through my experience, I’ve realized that many callings are definitely inspired. Most of the time, bishops and auxiliary leaders carefully pray for inspiration to fill positions in the ward, and I believe they often receive it. However, I’ve also realized that some callings are given to fill positions, and sometimes, you happen to be the one deemed available for the job. So, here are some of my thoughts on church callings:

Only you and your Heavenly Father know your limitations. There are plenty of circumstances that can make it difficult to fulfill church responsibilities. It’s important to discuss those limitations with your bishop. A friend recently told me this story:

“When my first baby was 5 months old, I was called to be a girls camp leader. This camp was 2.5 hours away and no babies were allowed. I told him I was still nursing, and he said it was a good time to wean her. I let him talk me in to it. While I don’t regret the experience of working with the young women, in hindsight, I should have said no. I let someone else dictate an important deadline for me.”

I also had a friend who was literally tone deaf. She was called to be the Primary Chorister, despite explaining her “tone deafness” to the bishop. She felt humiliated every single week. She had no idea how to sing or how to teach kids to sing the songs they were learning. She asked her bishop to be released multiple times over 3 months before the Primary President finally approached the bishop herself saying someone else would probably be better for that calling.

I want to clarify that I really do believe that some callings are meant to push us and help us grow. Sometimes we are even called so we can help someone else. However, we all have our limits and only we (and the Lord) know what they are. If those limitations mean you feel strongly that you should say no or ask to be released, then do it, and don’t feel guilty.

If you have no intention of fulfilling your calling, just say no. Do everyone a favor, and let someone more reliable do the job. When you say yes to a calling, you are committing that you’ll show up and do that calling. A guaranteed way to make other people’s lives difficult is to say you’ll do something and intentionally not follow through.

It’s okay to express interest in callings. In The Cultural Hall when we interview guests, we always ask them, “If you could have any calling, what would it be?” We always say that’s not how it works, but what’s the harm in letting your bishop know what your dream calling would be? It doesn’t mean you’ll get it, but it’s a way to sustain your church leaders and keep them informed so if they are looking to fill that calling, your name can be one they pray about. So go ahead – tell your bishop you’re interested in being the hymnbook organizer, or whatever.

Certain callings do NOT make you a better Mormon than everyone else. Maybe it’s just my own pet-peeve, but I find it annoying when someone talks about church callings as if holding those callings makes them part of an elite Mormon A-Team who have special spiritual powers because they are only bishopric members, high councilmen, EQPs, RSPs, YWPs, etc. If you’ve found yourself wondering if something’s wrong with you because you haven’t received a leadership calling, stop! We’ve all been given gifts of the Spirit regardless of our callings. The bell ringer and the stake president can still reside in the same kingdom in the afterlife. Our church callings don’t reflect our level of righteousness or spirituality. Period.

We all need to take our turn. No one is above any calling. Some people feel like they shouldn’t have to accept or are too qualified for certain positions. But we all need to take our turn if we’re able. Someone needs to fill “that” calling, so why shouldn’t it be you for a while?

So, what are your thoughts on church callings? Have you ever said no to a calling? Do you feel like you made the right decision? I’d love to hear your perspective!