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I have to admit that embarking on this blog post has had me shaking in my boots for days. Some of that could be from all the lunges I’ve been doing in Zumba class lately, but mostly I think it’s because I’m afraid this might spread around an already-opened can of worms, and worms are gross. What’s worse is I can’t quite come to a full-fledged conclusion. Perhaps you all can help me with that. At any rate, full steam ahead.

In the last few months, members of the Church have been placed in a somewhat unflattering light thanks to a couple of BYU/BYUI student-created molehills that the media has turned into mountains. It’s not the first time we’ve seen something like this. In fact, my mom told me of one incident that occurred while she was a student at BYU.

For one of its important events, BYU invited a famous non-LDS musician to give a concert on campus (“famous” as in a very well-known, non-LDS artist). Unfortunately, some BYU students saw it as a violation of the Honor Code to allow him to perform at a school-sponsored activity when he did not adhere to the rules of the Honor Code in his personal life. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t LDS or that he wasn’t a student. These students weren’t bashful about making their thoughts known. Naturally, he was offended, but he was graceful enough to go on with the show. If only the students had exhibited the same social graces…

I doubt most people have ever heard this story. Thirty years ago, there was no internet to spread it to the four corners of the earth. (And I think we may safely say that we would never exhibit that behavior today.) It all simply blew over, and if the story still exists, it’s most likely in a file somewhere collecting dust. That’s how these things went down in those days (not that thirty years ago merits the expression “those days”). The rest of the world either took no notice or just rolled their eyes at our “quaintness.” How quickly things change.

You’ve probably all heard this one, so I won’t rehash it in detail, but this past Valentine’s Day, an Honor Code uproar managed to make national and even international news when a student at BYU was handed a harsh letter of criticism by a boy she had never met, wherein she was chastised for breaking the Honor Code with her choice of attire. She promptly took a picture of her outfit and posted the picture alongside the note online, and the story spread like wildfire. Some people were outraged over the note, and some, like the author of the note, were indignant over Brittany’s outfit (which wasn’t exactly in keeping with the Honor Code, but a far cry from “immodest”).

As for the other event, only a few months ago, based on some of the Facebook status updates I read, one would think BYUI was on the brink of civil war. Some students all but seceded from the university over the attempted abolition of skinny jeans. One reliable source informed me that there was even a lockdown at the testing center that banned any students wearing skinny jeans from taking tests there.

This reliable source, Wesley Tingey, is a senior at BYUI and also happens to be a clever writer. In fact, Wesley wrote a letter to the school paper that may have played a large part in events leading up to the testing center’s ban. Wesley says, “[The skinny jean uproar] started as a topic of conversation in the opinion section of the school paper…I think they caught wind of the skinny jeans banter, went a little too far, and then imposed their interpretation of the dress code by making the blanket statement ‘No Skinny Jeans.’ And that’s when all heck broke loose.”

The letter Wesley wrote was in response to another letter written by a fellow student that labeled men who wear skinny jeans as effeminate. Wesley says, “I just thought it was pretty ignorant and figured I’d say something.” Wesley’s letter included a comedic case in point illustration of why skinny jeans are not effeminate, drawing upon iconic tight-pant-clad figures such as Disney’s Gaston to make the case. Wesley explains, “The letter was something of a hit on campus and its reception may well have been a straw that broke the camel’s back because a week later the Testing Center got involved.” After that, social media forums quickly became flooded with students’ cries of outrage, and soon the story had made big news.

I am amazed when I consider how much attention these two events received within the LDS community and without. Heck, Brittany’s story made it into London papers! And interestingly, both stories have something in common: students telling other students what not to wear. This is probably the point where I could go off on a tangent about not judging one another, or modesty and how it’s defined in the Honor Code, or the spirit of the law versus the letter of the law, or even a rhetorical attack on the BYUI Testing Center (which could be fun…it is a testing center, after all…), but the more I think about it, the more I begin to think that there is something bigger at stake here. Much, much bigger.

When you’re in the Church, you get to see the whole spectrum. You see the individuals—the kindness they exhibit toward others, and you see the beauty of a religion that is centered upon the teachings of Christ. But when all you see of the Church is what people say about Mormons or BYU students in their Facebook statuses, it can bring, as my friend Wesley puts it, “a lot of embarrassing, negative press to the school and, consequently, to the Church.”

I am not raising a battle cry in defense of Brittany, and I’m not about to take a stand on the skinny jeans issue (although I am rather fond of them. Heck, I’m wearing them right now). I am, however, raising a question: What really matters here?

Your thoughts?

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  • John Mabey says:

    Personally, I think ‘skinny jeans’ are great (please note: I do not wear them). I have seen them on women who I consider very modest dressers, and not once have I thought poorly towards them when they don the jeans.

    I think we should really be looking at the man..excuse me…’boy’ who handed her the note. This is a reflection of what I have noticed, since moving from Colordo, is a serious issue here in Utah. Where are all the gentlemen?

    My Mom and Dad raised me to be a fine upstanding gentleman. I come here and…my gosh, there are very few men who know how to treat a woman like a lady. You don’t hand some woman a note with a negative comment regarding her clothes. Where does he get off doing this? If he has a problem, look the other way. Is he going to email Target asking them to please put the women’s clothing section behind closed doors because he has an issue with the hanging photos of women modeling the clothing? What he did is rude, uncalled for, and I hope his mother is embarrassed by it.

    Okay, done ranting. Thanks!

  • Remember, you learned all the important principle in Primary. It’s rude to get in someone else’s business. If you were on the street and someone made an unsolicited critique of your dress, you would be offended. We don’t tell the mother in WalMart that her days of wearing stretch tights are long past. We know this.
    The extension of the honor code into matters of dress and grooming justified on the BYU website as a training matter: students are learning to dress for their careers. First, a field geologist, dance exercise coach or social worker would not meet the code requirements in the customary job clothing for their careers, so someone is making unwarranted general assumptions about career wear or is engaging in wishful thinking. We know the justification is a hollow shell without real substance.
    The real motivation is to decrease the already feverish level of hormonal attitudes, unplanned pregnancies and extended bishops interviews in the students. A couple of issues with that. Are the authorities so afraid that the principles of chastity, divine worth and appropriate behavior that most of the students have been indoctrinated with for at least 6 years have not taken root? If that is so, why bother doing in the first place? Why not impose segregation at all church activities until marriage? The simple answer is where that has been tried, it doesn’t work.
    What of the principle of agency? If someone can choose right, wrong or any of a hundred shades between why are Y student given the opportunity to chose without an added layer of human devised penalties added on top of divinely created ones? Is it that we think spiritual law is not severe enough?
    Last, why is that we think the female or male profile, skin or adornment is so disruptive that it become a moral matter? What part of God’s creation did He fail in? Why are we so flawed? Is there no flaw in His molding but in our characters that we become irrational at the slightest suggestion of sexuality? Have we never learned self control? If so are we doomed to be raving maniacs after marriage?

    I think a lot of this points at a massive lack of confidence in our moral character, in our rationality, in our teaching effectivity and in the strength of gospel principles. The Y’s solution seems to be picking an unnecessary and destructive fight wear it becomes not a matter of modesty but of power. The message is that we trust you so little that we have to bind you under duress by contract. What do those messages teach?

    • Jared says:

      Charlie,
      I don’t think modesty has anything to do with the Church trying to “control” hormones in adolescents. I believe this is to teach us to respect ourselves and treat our bodies as the temples they are. You definitely missed the mark somewhere along the way…

  • Eliza says:

    Well I do not think students should be the ones telling other students how to dress. It is not their place really.And Brittany’s outfit was not bad enough to ever get a rude note about it. Students should respect each other and not judge. I even have to help some of the young women in my ward, that I am an adviser over, with their modesty because they were not taught by their parents correctly. They believe what they are wearing is ok even though we have taught at church other wise. The Students at BYU may think the same way. They may believe what they are wearing are modest and go along with the Honer Code. If you see someone that may be even starting to cross a line (which does tend to have a grey area) of modesty then talk to them politely. Ask them even what they may think of their outfit as a whole. You may be surprised, But it should never involve a rude judgement filled note. Those are just a few thoughts from me!

    • Jared says:

      Appreciate your comment very much. I wholeheartedly agree that many girls will inadvertently wear something that is not modest and they don’t know. I think it is great that you are in a position to be able to help them understand that principle more fully and are courageous enough to do so.

  • Corey says:

    Matt. 5:28 – “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

    The Man kind of spelled it out there. Lust is a sin of the person doing the looking, not the wearing.

  • How to Correct Your Friend, Daughter or Wife’s Marginally Immodest Dress

    1. Introduce yourself
    2. Become her friend
    3. Build bonds of trust
    4. Lovingly counsel a remedy
    5 Be accountable
    6. Show forth greater love
    If in doubt read D&C 121

    RE: Matt 5:28
    In modern grammar: the thought precedes the deed. We rarely, if ever, impulsively commit transgressions. It counsels that we learn to control our thoughts as a way to control our acts. Man has agency, he can choose to follow an impulse or to refrain. This applies to sexual flirtation or rude note writing. If you think you are powerless to resist, you are. Grow a pair man! There is no sin in the thought. Sin comes when we pursue it against God’s counsel and then act on it.

  • Taylor says:

    Wait, we have to wear shirts?

  • Dan Curriden says:

    Catie–

    Shows what happens when a person tries to confess the sins of another. As a people, we need to resist this temptation to assume we’re pure and pick up that first stone.

    I recall the incident your mother refers to as well as another where a woman was excluded from the testing center because she was wearing jeans (these were the good old days). She went to the ladies’ room, removed the offending trousers, buttoned up her raincoat, and took the test. There was much clucking and tut-tutting from both the Pharisees and Sadducees on campus, but the institution manged to survive (I have it on good authority that the testing center is still standing).

  • Jared says:

    While I am in no way endorsing what that boy did, I do have to vent one thing here. I graduated from BYU-I in August. I hated how I was always told that I was breaking the Honor Code because I wasn’t clean shaven. My beard is truly quite manly, and even if I had shaved in the morning, if I was going to take a test later that night, I would usually have to shave again before I went. I understand however that this is part of the Honor Code and it should be enforced.

    Now, where my frustration comes in. I noticed a lot of girls wearing outfits (mainly dresses or skirts) that were not appropriate. Mainly due to length. My frustration is not that they wear those, that is their choice. My frustration is that no one ever enforced any kind of Honor Code with them. I’m guessing just because it is a sensitive issue and they don’t want to be the person who ends up like this kid who wrote that note. Just my two cents.

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