It’s not just that last dating podcast that’s made me feel old, and thinking that maybe my dating glory days are over…just in general: I’m feeling, and looking, older these days…like, I look 31. But that wasn’t my life plan. My life plan consisted of looking 25 at age 30. 30 at age 40. 30 at age 50. 30 at age 60. mmmmaybe 31 at 70.

What’s a girl to do? I looked myself straight in the mirror and said: “Listen honey, you’re getting a chemical peel.”  I then grabbed my non-refundable esthetician medical set received my first day of classes and found what looked to be the most powerful substance in the canvas tote labeled: “for professional, licensed use only.”

Perfect.

We never got to the chemical peel lessons in my month of night classes. But how hard could it be for a beauty school dropout to figure out how to use a chemical peel? C’mon. That’s what Google is for.

And thus I googled …and googled …and then I googled.

“how to do a jessner peel.”

A few things I read on the Google should have made a person nervous.  Peeling for a week? psshhhhh…my skin’s tougher than most. Only leave on for 10 minutes, it says? Eh, I’ve left a chemical peel on for 15 before–that lactic acid thingy–and it did zip.

Whatever google.

And behold, my chemical peel begins. One layer stings. Oh, but five minutes later my skin calms down. Heck, let’s do another layer! This is fun. My face is bright red. I wonder what is happening? Let’s do another layer! Now, let’s go eat a chocolate ladybug, (or 5), a treat my friend gave me for an occasion such as this, and play Angry Birds while it sits for 20.

Not only do I now have gaps in my teeth, and a lisp due to corrective mouth gear I currently wear (and take out for our listeners sake during our Cultural Hall recordings), but, I also, currently, as they say, have a face made for radio. (not to mention I still look 31, if not 32).  The hardest lesson to learn was that if you apply a jessner peel with a soaked cotton ball, your fingers also get a serious chemical peel if you don’t wash it off. (would’ve appreciated it if you could’ve told me that one, Google.)