The Cultural Hall

or http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/234

on April 21, 2008

in Mormon

. 0 Comments

As scholar Karen Armstrong accepts her 2008 TED Prize, she talks about how the Abrahamic religions — Islam, Judaism, Christianity — have been diverted from the moral purpose they share to foster compassion. But Armstrong has seen a yearning to change this fact. People want to be religious, she says; we should act to help make religion a force for harmony. She asks the TED community to help her build a Charter for Compassion — to help restore the Golden Rule as the central global religious doctrine.

Watch Karen Armstrong’s talk here

When the shelf comes crashing down

Published

C. J. Warburton

on April 15, 2008

in Mormon

. 35 Comments

I’d heard once that Sister Camilla Kimball had said that when there was something about the gospel she didn’t understand, she put that on a shelf. I liked the idea. I envisioned a shelf full of food storage and canned goods, and I started piling up my issues–stuff that I didn’t understand. Polygamy—that’s a big one—about a fifty pound bag of flour. Next, the priesthood being barred from blacks—another 5O pound bag of flour. Already my shelf was starting to sag pretty heavily in the middle, but I was doing okay. I could move forward. I still had a testimony. In spite of what people say, about a never-changing church, I was more than okay with the church changing. Nothing is perfect in the early fledging years—so I told myself. We are better now. Polygamy has publicly been labeled a “blip” That “blip” has caused considerable heartbreak, abuse, and misunderstanding—some are still being victimized. Look at Texas. But I could keep that on the shelf.

Continue reading ‘When the shelf comes crashing down’

Moving Forward: The LDS Polygamy Question

Published

Continue reading ‘Moving Forward: The LDS Polygamy Question’

on April 15, 2008

in Apologetics, Belief, Culture, Current Events, Doctrine, History, LDS, Marriage, Mormon, Mormons, Polygamy, general and temple

. 28 Comments

In today’s Salt Lake Tribune is an op-ed piece I wrote about polygamy, copied below. Some people will say I’m overstepping my bounds, and others will say I don’t go far enough. I simply hope it makes people think about the church’s connections to polygamy. The present policy - relying on the Associated Press and other news organizations to clarify who is and who is not Mormon - seems bound to fail, as the public doesn’t consult the AP Style Guide when they talk about such things.

Explaining Accidents

Published

on April 11, 2008

in Belief, Death and general

. 2 Comments

When I moved 15 years ago to this small corner of Georgia, Bill was one of the first people I met. He greeted me with a broad smile and a twinkle in his eye, and there was never a moment that I doubted he genuinely cared about me. Some people have that gift.

My next memory of him is when I gave my first talk in Sacrament meeting. Our branch met in a tightly-packed “phase 1″ building, so I had plenty of opportunity for eye contact. His are the eyes I remember best from that day. As I gave my talk, I quickly learned that I could count on him for feedback that told me that I was being heard. Really heard. He smiled, nodded his head, and then took time afterwards to discuss my talk and to welcome me again to the branch.

A few days ago he had an accident at home, and now he is gone. The viewing was this evening; the funeral tomorrow. I will miss him and his smile. There have been days when I missed church, whether because I was out of town or just not in the mood, or I didn’t want to sit through three hours with lighting that can trigger my migraines. On those days, I may not have missed the lesson I disagreed with, heterodox guy that I am, but I certainly missed Bill and his smile.

While at the viewing, a friend tried to make sense of his death. She believes that the accident was God’s way of “bringing Bill home”. Another friend suggested that his wife, who died a few months ago, needed him. Maybe the universe works that way, with a God that intervenes, causing accidents that take lives when our “time is up”. Maybe, but I’m more inclined to think deaths like Bill’s happen for reasons other than divine intervention. Accidents happen, and the laws of physics cause trauma to our bodies. Life is fragile that way.

We look for answers, for reasons to explain the events in our lives. We seek those answers when it comes to explaining death as well. Whichever answer we arrive at, we find comfort in it. If the answer includes God taking care of us and then calling us home, the comfort seems obvious. But it also leaves us to explain why God’s intervention appears unreliable.

If the answer is more like mine, comfort comes in different forms; for me it comes in the sense of connection with humanity through a shared engagement with life. And there is comfort, too, in knowing that the memory of Bill’s smile, and the many good things he did, lives on. My friends and I may disagree over the question of divine intervention, but we agree on our connection to a fellow traveler and to each other. For me, that’s enough.

General Conference thread

Published

on April 5, 2008

in conference

. 2 Comments

Not here! There are threads going already at Mormon Matters, Messenger and Advocate, Our Thoughts, Mormon Mentality, Times and Seasons, and By Common Consent.

We may not have a lot of action here, but we’re not redundant.

Morality Beyond Sexuality

Published

on March 28, 2008

in Current Events, Marriage, Morality and Sexual

. 15 Comments

One theme that I hear often in Mormonism concerns morality and its central place in society. Most recently I came across this idea in an op-ed piece in the Salt Lake Tribune. The writer, Lynn Wardle, described his views regarding morality in the context of Elliot Spitzer’s downfall. (I don’t think copyright law allows me cut & paste Wardle’s comments here but you can click on this link to read them at the Trib.)
Continue reading ‘Morality Beyond Sexuality’

Thoughts on Loving our Sisters and Brothers

Published

on March 20, 2008

in Mormon

. 3 Comments

I read this a couple of days ago and thought it is a wonderful reminder to us all

“Our task is to learn that if we can voyage to the ends of the earth and there find ourselves in the aborigine who most differs from ourselves, we will have made a fruitful pilgrimage. That is why pilgrimage is necessary, in some shape or other. Mere sitting at home and meditating on the divine presence is not enough for our time. We have to come to the end of a long journey and see that the stranger we meet there, is no other than ourselves—which is the same as saying that we find Christ in him” –Thomas Merton

Eckhart Tolle on Spirituality and Religion

Published

admin

on March 2, 2008

in Faith, LDS, Mormon, Mormons, Spirituality, eckhart, religion and tolle

. 7 Comments

In Eckhart Tolle’s book entitled: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, it says the following about Spirituality and Religion:

What is the role of the established religions in the arising of the new consciousness? Many people are already aware of the difference between spirituality and religion. They realize that having a belief system–a set of thoughts that you regard as the absolute truth-does not make you spiritual no matter what the nature of those beliefs is. In fact, the more you make your thoughts (beliefs) into your identity, the more cut off you are from the spiritual dimension within yourself. Many “religious” people are stuck at that level. They equate truth with thought, and as they are completely identified with thought (their mind), they claim to be in sole possession of the truth in an unconscious attempt to protect their identity. They don’t realize the limitations of thought. Unless you believe (think) exactly as they do, you are wrong in their eyes, and in the not-too distant past, they would have felt justified in killing you for that. And some still do, even now. Continue reading ‘Eckhart Tolle on Spirituality and Religion’

Tom Lantos and Mormonism

Published

on February 27, 2008

in Belief, Current Events, Death, Faith, Family, Mormon, Politics and Spirituality

. 4 Comments

Tom Lantos, a powerful member of the US House of Representatives for many years, died recently. In this report of his funeral I learned he had a significant connection to Mormonism: His wife and daughters, who apparently converted some time ago.
Continue reading ‘Tom Lantos and Mormonism’

Spiritual Practice

Published

on February 27, 2008

in Mormon

. 2 Comments

I just read Jana Riess’ Essay Tributaries of my Faith. It is thoughtful and beautiful. One part that really jumped out at me is about spiritual practice (bolded below).

How we cooperate in the world’s redemption brings me to the second tributary of my faith, Renewal—spiritual rejuvenation through concrete, regular disciplines. Spiritual disciplines such as prayer, Sabbath-keeping, and fasting invite us back to God. They give us a rhythm for the days, the weeks, the months, the years. In Mormonism, we have a wonderful tradition of emphasizing the vital importance of the spiritual disciplines. We want to do it right. But the flip side of that emphasis is that too often Mormons adopt a legalistic view of spiritual practice—what matters is that you do it correctly, not that it changed you or that you are growing from the practice. We need to guard against dead legalism and rote religion. We also need to guard against our unstinting activism. Don’t get me wrong; one of the things I find most attractive about Mormonism is our firm tie to this world and to its people—we are here to serve one another. This is key. But what we lack, and what Christian history can teach us, is the equally important value of contemplation. Holding action and contemplation in a balanced tension is one of the greatest calls of the Christian life.

Question for the group:

What are some real ways you have changed and grown because of the practice of Mormonism? Even though you might take a non-traditional or non-literal approach. Read her entire essay here (pdf)

Rocky Mountain Retreat– update

Published

Paula

on February 26, 2008

in Mormon

. 2 Comments

Rocky Mountain Retreat for LDS Women (Links to earlier post about the retreat)

This year’s featured speaker is Claudia Bushman.

Registration is open now. For more details, and registration forms, visit the retreat’s website.

Link to good “Middle Way” post

Published

on February 25, 2008

in Mormon

. 5 Comments

I really liked this post on Zelophehad’s Daughters site by Lynette.

It is called The “Only True” Church: Does “True” Necessitate “Only”?

Also, have any of you read from the Theologian Paul Knitter? I have not but now I am curious.

Sharing the Gospel ??

Published

on February 20, 2008

in Mormon

. 9 Comments

I was in the UK last week and had the chance to visit with some dear friends that are serving a mission there (senior missionaries). I asked them the following question:

“What is different about the Church over there, or at least different than you expected?”

The response surprised me.They said:

“The Saints here love the Church very much. But seem very reluctant to share the Gospel with others and seem reluctant to share friend’s names with the missionaries.”

My questions to you all on this Blog.

Is this unique to the UK (nobody does it here in New York either) I don’t think people in general feel comfortable with this?
Do any of you invite friends to Church? Or have you ever given names of friends or collegues to missionaries. How do you feel about it?
Do you view the Gospel and the Mormon Church as the same thing or two very different things?

Mourning with my Alma Mater

Published

on February 14, 2008

in Death, Spirituality and Suffering

. 3 Comments

My alma mater, Northern Illinois University, is mourning today, following a shooting in one of its classrooms. News reports say that a gunman whose identity is not presently known shot and killed four students and wounded many more when he fired a shotgun and then pistol in a large auditorium classroom before turning his pistol on himself. It is sad, and it hits me close to home as I think of the many exams I proctored in that very classroom during my grad school days. Continue reading ‘Mourning with my Alma Mater’

Did I Forget to Get Angry?

Published

Kirk

on February 13, 2008

in Mormon

. 18 Comments

Hello everyone,

I know I don’t post often but I have been thinking about something and I felt like this was the right place to air the laundry.

So like many of you, Mormonism really screwed me up. I mean it was doing a number on me while I was in it, but leaving really turned my brain around. In the subsequent years I have noticed a severe increase in depression and anxiety and a general decrease in more obscure fields like purpose and sense of belonging. After 5 years out of the church I look around and think “Hey! Wha’ happened?”

While leaving the church I was obsessed with not being one of those ex-mormons; the kind who spend all their time seething and hating on the apostles and jumping all over the doctrine and pointing out that Brigham Young owned slaves or whatever. You know, the kind of person whose comments we tend to delete on this site.

That’s not to say I wasn’t mad, but I didn’t really focus it anywhere. I didn’t get mad at the prophet or apostles. They seem like good guys. I didn’t get mad at my bishop, or my mission president even though they were kind of jerks about the whole thing. I didn’t even really have any fights with my parents where I told them how much the church had hurt me. In fact once I left I got really positive about the church just so they wouldn’t… well I don’t know why. It just seemed the thing to do.

Joseph Smith once said, and I paraphrase: Anyone who leaves the church is not just gonna hate it, but they will be an enemy to it the rest of their lives.

Well I don’t want that. Why does it have to be like that?

I have often described the feelings surrounding leaving the church as the same around breaking up with your one true love. You thought your relationship was one thing, but it turned out pretty f’en different. But a lot of those feelings, anger, pain, rage, they don’t have anywhere to go. With relationships you can always find some other sucker to take you on, but I have zero desire to find another religion (sorry Unitarian church, I’m just not feelin’ ya).

So this is my question: What do I do with this black tornado inside of me? What do you do? Should I pretend I am 15 and the next time I visit my parents storm out of a room slamming a door yelling “You don’t own me!” Should I go punch some missionaries in the nose (god knows it happened to me enough on my mission)? Should I just get a punching bag and some stronger sedatives?

Joseph Smith also said, and again I paraphrase: If a religion can’t ask you to give it everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, then that’s a wussy religion.

Ladies and Gents, I’m here to tell ya, that Mormonism aint no wuss.

Sighsville. Thanks for letting me vent everyone. John I’ll understand it if you take away my posting privileges.

Rejection

Published

on February 4, 2008

in Belief, Christianity and Family

. 20 Comments

While reading a New Order Mormon discussion recently I came upon a message that made me stop and think for a moment. The discussion concerned how to deal with family members’ rejection when one has decided to leave the church. A writer described her wish to renounce her LDS Church membership, but feared the rejection that would come from her “DNA Mormon” family. One person commented, “Its hard to believe that there are people who love the church more than their family, but maybe instead of love a better way to look at it is they are more afraid of the church than they are their family.” Continue reading ‘Rejection’

Remote Control Reproduction

Published

on January 30, 2008

in Sexual and Technology

. 1 Comment

Wow, can you imagine what it would be like to control sperm-flow via remote control? This technology is exciting, but scary. What if your parents or bishop got hold of your remote? Or what if your kids found it lying in the bottom of the nightstand drawer and inadvertently flipped the switch? What happens if/when reproduction (for both sexes) becomes just a matter of typing in a password to activate the necessary parts of one’s body?

Me, I’m thrilled that reproductive technology has allowed me to choose when to have my children. But there’s something still a bit too scary about a computer-controlled vasectomy.

Rocky Mountain Retreat

Published

Paula

on January 28, 2008

in Mormon

. 4 Comments

Save the Date

2008 Rocky Mountain Retreat for LDS Women,
May 30th - June 1, 2008
Snow Mountain Ranch, YMCA of the Rockies
Featured speaker: Claudia Bushman
More details and registration info coming mid-February

An announcement for Mormon “women of good will” who’d like to spend a weekend in the Colorado Rockies, eating, talking and meeting others. Continue reading ‘Rocky Mountain Retreat’

Religion and Humor

Published

on January 26, 2008

in Culture and Mormon

. 0 Comments

Religion and comedy have been in the news recently, with some interesting Mormon angles to the story. A few weeks ago the Salt Lake Tribune had an article about Mormon comics that was quite funny. Alas, the article is archived, although you can still view the comments at that site and I think you can pay to see the original at the Trib archive. In today’s Deseret News is another, arising from Mike Huckabee’s joke about a family recipe that offended Catholics. The story also mentions some jokes I’ve collected on my website. Take a minute and enjoy the jokes. It’s Saturday, after all, and you deserve a smile.

Interview excerpts w/ Greg Prince

Published

Continue reading ‘Interview excerpts w/ Greg Prince’

on January 25, 2008

in Mormon

. 4 Comments

For me personally, one of the most important factors in keeping the “Mormon Experience” meaningful in my life has been finding mentors. Getting to know women and men who are bright, compassionate, thoughful and still connected. I am lucky to have had Greg Prince as one of these people in my life. Our families have been friends as long as I can remember. His impact on me has been significant.

This morning I re-read pieces of his interview for the documentary on PBS. It did my heart good. Thanks again Greg.

Here are some of my favorite highlights and a link to the interview:

Is it worse?

Published

on January 18, 2008

in Sexual

. 53 Comments

Note to our gentle readers and those who read this blog at work: this post is about sexuality and the more explicit portion is after the “continue reading” link….

As a teen I was always confused what the term “petting” and “necking” meant. I knew what “making out” was and after time came to equate making out and necking. But the petting thing was always a bit of a mystery. Some bishops gave rough definitions like “touching any part of your partner’s body that would normally be covered by a bathing suit.” But the variations of touching were mystifying–did it mean touching while clothed? or touching without clothes? And did touching mean just with a hand or did it mean touching in general (as in, if two people were kissing and rubbing the bathing-suit parts of their bodies together were they ‘petting’)?

I suspect the actual definition of petting varied according to the bishop using the term. What he meant might be totally different from what another bishop meant (as an aside–do they still use this same ‘petting’ terminology with teens or is there some more current lingo?). Continue reading ‘Is it worse?’

Perfume for Mom’s birthday

Published

on January 17, 2008

in Family and Women's Issues

. 2 Comments

When I was about 8 years old, I remember wondering why my Mom was always so exhausted and wishing that she could relax and have some fun. At the time there was a commercial on TV for a particular perfume that featured an energetic woman doing sporty activities. The details are fuzzy now, but I just remember wishing that my Mom could feel that way. So I went to the drugstore with all of my saved up allowance and bought her a bottle of that perfume for her birthday.

I remember seeing the bottle sitting on the back of the toilet in her bathroom for a few years after that, unused. Sometimes I would go in and sniff the perfume and wonder why it didn’t make my Mom feel pretty and energetic. After a few years went by I felt pretty silly about the gift–Mom wasn’t a perfume kind of person to begin with.

Reflecting on that incident now makes me think about my kids and my relationship with them. Do they see me as someone who is happy and fulfilled? Or do they see me as exhausted and careworn? A non-LDS friend attending sacrament meeting with me awhile ago pointed out how tired all of the women looked. I suppose we are a hard-working group of people–especially us women.

I like to be busy and I probably take on too many responsibilities at times. But I hope the vibe I send my kids is that I am happy with my life, and not that I am too weary. They know I like to giggle, and hear their silly stories, and sing along with the radio too loudly. They see me pursuing my hobbies and working hard to achieve my goals. Though I do have my moments of exhaustion, I’d like to think that my bursts of uninhibited joy are more common. I don’t want my kids to think that motherhood or womanhood is self-sacrificing drudgery. I want them to understand that it’s enlivening even if it’s work-intensive.

What about you, what was your perspective on your mother’s life when you were little? And has that changed as you’ve grown up yourself?

Out of Step

Published

Continue reading ‘A trip to the Jockey outlet’

on January 12, 2008

in Mormon, Politics, Politics at Church and Surviving Sundays

. 22 Comments

An incident at a recent Stake Conference upset me, probably more than it should have. I was upset enough that I left the meeting midway. The episode brought to the forefront something I have known for a long time, even since before I lost my faith: my thinking is not aligned with mainstream Mormon thought. Continue reading ‘Out of Step’

A trip to the Jockey outlet

Published

ungewiss

on January 11, 2008

in Belief, Marriage, Mormon and garments

. 19 Comments

After a year and a half, my wife has become accustomed to the idea that I am essentially an unbelieving Mormon. Along the way we’ve had some conversations that can only be called unpleasant, but these days I am less frustrated, she is less defensive, and we can talk freely about the Church without anybody crying, cursing, or feeling guilty.

Perhaps the most crucial conversation we had came several months ago. Two days previous, my wife had firmly requested that I stop wearing garments unless I planned to return to the temple. “If you’re wearing them just to appease me,” she said, “I wish you wouldn’t.”

Read Your Scriptures = Eat your Brussels Sprouts

Published

on January 1, 2008

in Mormon and Spirituality

. 27 Comments

In sacrament meeting two weeks ago, a speaker asked, “What are you willing to give up to be closer to your Father in Heaven? A computer game? A TV show?” She suggested that the time gained by sacrificing this leisure pursuit was to be spent reading the scriptures. Ugh.

I know, I know. It’s good for you. So are brussels sprouts. It is a measure of my spiritual sterility that I would rather play solitaire on my computer (I lost $1000 in pretend money last night during a bout with insomnia) than read the scriptures. I don’t know HOW to read the scriptures. Randomly? Meditatively? Make a plan? Set a date? In the bathtub? Could you, would you, with a fox?

I don’t much like Brussels sprouts, but I like broccoli, and I like cauliflower. I’m not opposed to cruciferous vegetables in principle. Maybe I just need a different approach. I have a KJV and an RSV. I prefer the RSV. Would a different version help? A good study guide? A concordance?

Have we lost our homemaking skills?

Published

on December 29, 2007

in Women's Issues

. 25 Comments

One aspect of my Mormon heritage that I’m grateful for is that I have many ‘traditional’ skills. I can sew quite well (even making up my own patterns), crochet, knit, can veggies or jam, bake my own bread (from home-ground flour), quilt (both tied and hand-stitched), etc. Through the years I’ve even made my own soap, hooked rugs, embroidered, cross-stitched, made leper bandages, done basic woodworking, etc.

I think many non-LDS are surprised by my ability in these traditional arts/crafts. But for me it seems like second nature to whip up a homemade pie, make cinnamon rolls from scratch, or sew a quick costume for one of my kids’ school activities.

I wonder if the younger generation of LDS women is learning these crafts? They don’t seem to teach them in YW (except for learning how to bake brownies or rice crispie treats) and they have very few, if any, classes in these areas at Enrichment Nights. I suspect that the younger generation of LDS women have never sewn a dress or preserved veggies.

In some ways I mourn the loss of such skills, even as I realize that they are unnecessary in today’s world. What do you think? Do you think that girls (or boys!) should be learning to cook and knit during their teen years? Are we missing out on an important part of our LDS heritage when we don’t teach traditional homemaking skills?

How Do You Manage?

Published

on December 26, 2007

in Belief, Callings and Surviving Sundays

. 29 Comments

This was originally posted as a comment. I thought it might get more response as a full-blown post.

Guest post by Tim

Several months ago, I came to this site under the greatest anguish. Since that time I have learned far too much. I have very nearly left the church on several occasions and even wrote a letter but never delivered. In the last couple weeks I came to a point where I felt at peace with the church, that I can finally get on with it and not worry any more. In fact I even decided to go ahead and get my recommend renewed. The new scanner model is in effect in January.

Well, after I get it renewed, I felt good about it. I also realized afterward that I did not even care if it was all true or not. Maybe that disqualifies me as a worthy holder of my recommend…

As many of you know, this week starts the new study years in GD class on the BoM and this year also starts the new PH/RS classes on the teachings of Joseph Smith. As I sat in GD class I was so uncomfortable as we discussed the beginnings of the BoM. I felt like I wanted to either blurt out corrections or get up and leave. As I sat down at home today and read through the new ToJS lesson manual I wanted to throw up. I have studied too much lately it seems, because I felt like I was reading utter non-sense as fact after fact was omitted. I was astounded at how awful I felt reading it, like I was doing something terribly wrong in doing so. Only a year ago these same things were the greatest comfort…

Before today, I really thought I was going to make it-ya know? I had some concern about how I would feel with the new material, but had no idea it would be this profound.

So I ask, how does one continue on? How do you manage to keep it up and teach knowing that what you are saying is against your new beliefs (if you are still actively serving, that is)? Or even if you don’t teach, how do you fulfill your callings if your testimony disappears? Or do you?

All Good Gifts

Published

on December 24, 2007

in Christ, Faith, Mormon, Music and humility

. 0 Comments

Over at Various Stages of Mormondom, where I did a nice long guest stint, this week’s theme is Gifts. As with so many short phrases, the topic brought a song to mind. Even though it invokes harvest images, I think it’s very suitable for this time of year.

The song, “All Good Gifts,” is from the ancient musical “Godspell.”

There are a number of versions on YouTube, but either the video is lousy or the tenor is flat (or both!) so I’ll leave you to seek one out yourself. It’s a beautiful song, based on Episcopal Hymn #138 (or so I read on the Stephen Schwartz music site).

ALL GOOD GIFTS

We plow the fields and scatter the good seed on the land..
But it is fed and watered by God’s almighty hand..
He sends us snow in winter, the warmth to swell the grain…
The breezes and the sunshine, and soft refreshing rain…

All good gifts around us
Are sent from Heaven above
So thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his love…

We thank thee then, O Father, for all things bright and good,
The seedtime and the harvest, our life our health our food,
No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts
But that which thou desirest, our humble thankful hearts!

All good gifts around us
Are sent from Heaven above..
So thank the Lord, oh thank the Lord for all his love..

Merry Christmas.

Feliz Navidad

Published

Kirk

on December 19, 2007

in Mormon

. 4 Comments

I am leaving straight from work today to go to the airport to fly back to California for Christmas. As excited as I am to see my family, Christmas time has taken on a slightly different flavor over the last few years. As my core faith in the church began to erode, so did my faith in the divinity of Jesus. While I still revere him symbolically and do love the stories of his life, my conviction that he was really half human, half divine has dwindled. Or rather I should say I still believe in his partial divinity as much as I believe in my own, which varies significantly from day to day.

It is pretty easy to slip into a black-sheep mode during this time. When so many of my family events involve impromptu testimonies from everyone I love, it is hard to not let the doubt carousel in my head spin out of control. I find myself folding my arms a lot and fantasizing about sinking into couches.

This year I am determined to not let myself feel this way. Or at least try to limit the amount of time I spend feeling apart. I think as outsiders of the faith we spend so much time feeling separate that we are almost unable to let ourselves enjoy the company of our loved ones. Sometimes they do keep us at arms length, but often times we are pushing back just as hard.

Holiday seasons are always dangerous times emotionally. It is near impossible to meet expectations set for us by Hallmark and McDonald’s and even harder to come up against the expectations of a faith abandoned. We all need to let ourselves off the hook a little this year. And you know who was into letting yourself off the hook? Jesus.

It is soon to be the darkest day of the year. Whether things are a bummer now or not, symbolically we all have our long Decembers. This year I will take comfort in knowing that at the end of a long year, and an even longer month I have one day when I can believe that the next year will be better and I can spend it with my family. And that can be Jesus for me this year.

I love you all and I hope you feel love and hope this holiday season.

Aside: Mini GumboSnacker

Published

on December 16, 2007

in Mormon

. 1 Comment

Mark Brown from BCC came to church in our ward today, and afterward he joined me, Left Field, and The Kid for a mini-Gulf Coast Snacker. We didn’t have gumbo - I’ve been here five years, and haven’t yet learned to make gumbo. Instead, we had a pasta thing with shrimp, lots of lively conversation, and even a spiritual minute or two. And cheesecake!

The next GumboSnacker will be Friday, February 1st. We’ll go to the Krewe of Selene Mardi Gras parade in Slidell and then come to my house and hang out. Maybe we’ll have gumbo this time. Y’all come!

At Mark’s request, here is the recipe for the shrimp pasta thing:

2 T olive oil
1/3 cup chopped onion
2 cloves garlic
12 oz. jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained and cut into quarter-sized pieces
1 can diced tomato (do not drain)
2 lbs. raw shrimp, heads, tails and veins removed (from frozen is fine)
1 12 oz. can evaporated milk
1/8 tsp cayenne pepper (or to taste)
1 cup Parmesan cheese
1 lb. pasta (I used spaghetti; penne would be good, too)

Cook pasta according package directions.

Meanwhile, saute onion in oil over medium heat until almost soft, add garlic. Add artichoke hearts when onion is softened, stir until heated and then add shrimp and cayenne pepper. Cook until shrimp is almost opaque. Add tomatoes, undrained, and evaporated milk. Heat until lightly bubbling; add Parmesan cheese and mix in well.

Toss in bowl with drained pasta. Serve immediately with extra Parmesan cheese and fresh black pepper.

Escalation

Published

on December 14, 2007

in Mormon

. 5 Comments

For the last five years, I have been reading and participating in discussions about the church: doctrine, practice and culture. For much of that time, it was pretty intense, and I was really angry. Now, I’ve thoroughly mellowed out.

Apparently, my new Zen Mormonism is just in time for the rest of the English speaking world to start having the kinds of discussions I was having three years ago. The same old arguments about “is the church a cult?” are now playing out on a national stage, thanks to our Good Buddy Mitt and his Evil Twin, Mike. Right and left alike are freaking out about how stupid/cultish/racist/brainwashed/hellbound Mormons are. It’s only been going on for about a week, since Mitt’s speech, but I am well and thoroughly sick of it.

I have my own disagreements with church teachings and doctrine, but nothing is as simplistic as these people are making it, but there’s no room in the discourse for a sensible conversation. As in almost all areas in politics, the extremes define the rhetoric.

Back when some lefty bloggers working for the Edwards campaign wrote about President Bush’s “wingnut Christofascist base,” a guy in my ward spoke from his bully pulpit about how evil Democrats are for oppressing Christians, and how dare they talk about his faith that way? Well, I’ll tell you how they dare: politics is a dirty business, and when you drag your faith into it, it’s only a matter of time before people start pissing on it.

Mormons, welcome to the intersection of politics and religion. Careful where you step.

Drawing the line and/or trying something new (in the bedroom)

Published

on December 12, 2007

in Sexual

. 60 Comments

The comments on my recent post about sex toys have veered into various sexual behaviors, so I thought I’d refocus the conversation here on a new post.

Many of you have expressed the idea that the church has no business inside the bedroom. And that what a couple does behind that door is up to them. But if that’s the case, how does the couple set boundaries for themselves? And what happens when one partner is interested in something that the other isn’t? How do you negotiate this?

So if a couple is interested in using sex toys, I’d bet that most of you wouldn’t find that problematic. Or maybe oral & anal sex are just fine, too. But what about using porn? Or engaging in S&M? Or swinging? Or having sex in public places? Or posting sex videos on the internet? At what point has a couple gone too far? Or is it all okay between consenting adults? Do you think the church should draw some sort of line? Or does the temple recommend question about the law of chastity cover it? Continue reading ‘Drawing the line and/or trying something new (in the bedroom)’

Fundamentalist Mormon : Mormon :: Mormon : Christian

Published

on December 12, 2007

in Christianity, Current Events, LDS, Media, Mormon and Mormons

. 17 Comments

Here’s an analogy for you to consider–

Fundamentalist Mormon : Mormon :: Mormon : Christian

Just as Fundamentalist Mormosn often consider themselves to be the ‘real’ Mormons, Mormons often consider themselves to be the ‘real’ Christians. And yet, both are viewed by the group to which they aspire as outdated, strange, and even oppressive.

Of course, analogies break down. Where does this one fall apart?

Parties with Passion

Published

on December 9, 2007

in Sexual

. 44 Comments

A young LDS friend recently invited me to a Passion Party at her home. Passion Parties are like Tupperware Parties except instead of kitchenware, your hostess is selling items like flavored massage oils and vibrators.

I wasn’t too surprised by the invitation–like me, this friend is pretty open in her views about sex. However I found myself uncomfortable at the party. Not because of all the sex talk, but I was uncomfortable with the products themselves. Now let me say that I’m not against sex toys per se. And I was pleased that this company was female-positive, meaning that none of the packaging or advertising had images that were degrading to women (I only wish I could say the same of our local sex shops that I refuse to patronize for that very reason). But my discomfort was because the products were so ‘cutesy’–shaped like little animals and brightly colored like children’s toys.

I feel like sex is something that’s important and adult. And even though it can be quite fun and playful, it seems rather degrading to have glow-in-the-dark rabbits and dolphins and hedgehogs as part of it.

What do you think? Am I just too puritanical to get it? Am I odd in thinking that I don’t want my toys to be confused with those in my kids’ toybox?

Julia Sweeney and the Mormon Missionaries

Published

on December 5, 2007

in Belief and Faith

. 2 Comments

Julia Sweeney recently talked on RadioWest with Doug Fabrizio. Her journey away from religious belief began when two LDS missionaries knocked on her door and asked an innocent question: Do you believe that God loves you? Her answer began a fascinating period of self-reflection and self-realization, which she transformed into her one-woman show, “Letting Go of God.”

It is well worth your time if you have entertained questions about faith and belief. The issues apply to religious belief more generally, but several questions phoned in deal with LDS issues in that context. If you read The Cultural Hall, I suspect you’ll find this a very worthwhile interview. You can listen to the podcast version here. Now, stop reading here, download the podcast, and enjoy!

Pre-mission exam?

Published

on November 28, 2007

in Missions

. 18 Comments

Recently my spouse had to get his prostate examined. His female doctor asked him whether he’d ever had an exam of that particular part of his body before and when he replied that he’d had it done when he was 19, she was quite surprised. He mumbled something about having it as part of a comprehensive physical before he went abroad. She was a bit skeptical but didn’t press the question further.

Later, as he and I discussed this we wondered if missionaries still get the p-exam pre-mission? If so, does anyone know why this is required when prostate problems are rarely found in 19 year-olds?

I’m also curious if anyone knows what the pre-mission physical exam entails for women? Do they have to have a pelvic exam and pap smear?

UPDATE: I should’ve said (but wrote too hastily) that I know prostate exams were required back in the late ’80s to early 90’s. I remember many jokes among my male friends about the indignity of the ‘turn and cough’ procedure. I was wondering if the reason for this was truly because of concern for prostate health or if it might have had anything to do with a check for homosexual activity? I’m not at all sure, so I was hoping that y’all might know…

Using the priesthood

Published

ungewiss

on November 26, 2007

in Belief, Inspiration, LDS, Parenting, Priesthood and children

. 12 Comments

In the next room there is a sleeping two-month-old baby, who, in spite of his tiny size, was able to instigate quite a hefty discussion last week. The time had come to bless our son in church, and my wife was understandably wary of giving a confirmed skeptic like me the microphone in front of her friends and family.

Like many conversations about our religion, this one started awkwardly enough. I assured her I felt perfectly able to fulfill the cultural tradition of blessing my son; behaviorally I am a model of Mormon behavior, certainly “worthy” to perform the task. My wife objected, saying that since I no longer believe in the priesthood it wouldn’t be right to have me pretending to use it. I could understand her worry, and I imagine many of you might agree with her reasoning.

We talked for a few minutes about it before I realized that in all the discussions we’ve had about our religion, I had failed to make one crucial point clear: I do believe that God interacts with his children. I believe he occasionally gives to each of us greater words, understanding, insights, or strength than we are capable of achieving on our own. I even believe that he uses the LDS version of priesthood as a tool to deliver these gifts to his children. But it is obviously not God’s only method for doing so, and his use of the priesthood to communicate with Mormons is far from the black-and-white proof of the restoration that many Mormons believe it is.

When I explained this to my wife, a non-traditional but believing member of the Church, she seemed quite relieved that I allow for God’s influence in my life, and she happily agreed that I should bless our son. I did so yesterday. The gist of the blessing actually came to my mind at 3:30 yesterday morning—roughly six hours before I should have been relying on the spirit to guide my words. Perhaps God gives his skeptical children advanced notice.

After spending the morning rehearsing how I might verbalize the ideas that came to me in the night, I stood in a circle and clumsily stumbled over ideas that should have been simple and beautiful. I blessed him with optimism in a negative world, with tolerance for other beliefs, with a desire to find truth in his own and other religious traditions, and with the courage to accept and learn from his mistakes. It didn’t come to me at the instant I spoke it, it wasn’t at all traditional, and I didn’t use any of the blessing clichés, but I have a feeling that God was pleased nonetheless.

Doug Brewster Goes to Heaven

Published

Continue reading ‘Doug Brewster Goes to Heaven’

on November 24, 2007

in Mormon

. 1 Comment

By Peggy Rogers

Peggy is a dear friend who passed away Wednesday afternoon. A cultural Mormon, Peggy wrote this story several years ago. I really like it, and I wanted to share it.

Doug Brewster Goes to Heaven

When he thought about his former life (and it wasn’t often) the last thing that Doug Brewster remembered was climbing into his green Pinto, pulling out of the parking lot of Last Chance Tavern, and heading home. Of course he’d had a few beers–it was Friday night, wasn’t it? and his job at the steel mill was dry work. He deserved a little recreation.

A vasectomy for Christmas?

Published

on November 23, 2007

in Christmas, Marriage and Sexual

. 20 Comments

The recent furor over at Times and Seasons about family planning has got me thinking about birth control. I’d say that if there’s anything that I know, it’s that birth control is a good thing. I feel fortunate that I live in a time and place when I’ve had the ability to plan each of my pregnancies.

My spouse and I are feeling that we’re definitely done having children so we’re considering a vasectomy for my husband. When I mentioned this a few years ago to my OB/Gyn, he strongly discouraged us, saying that he’d seen way too many couples feel regret afterwards (this, ironically, was in the same conversation where he admitted to me that three of his five children were born when he and his wife went to bed too drunk to remember to use their own BC–sheesh. And no, he’s not my doctor anymore…). My friends who’ve already had their surgeries seem happy it. One told me, “It’s the greatest gift we’ve ever given each other.” So it’s got me thinking that maybe it would be the perfect Christmas present this year?

I’m curious–how many of you (or your partners) have chosen tubal ligations and/or vasectomies? Are you happy with your choice? Did you have any unforeseen complications? Any regrets?

Past & present

Published

Continue reading ‘Past & present’

on November 20, 2007

in Marriage, Mormon, Secrets and Sexual

. 17 Comments

I’ve found myself in an uncomfortable situation: a former lover of mine (from nearly two decades ago) is working for the same company as my husband. Their offices are on the same floor. When visiting my spouse at work, I sometimes encounter this other guy (I’ll call him “Dean”).

I really can’t figure out what the appropriate response is when I see Dean. I want to be friendly—he played a pretty significant role in my life. Yet whenever I see him I hear an echo of my bishop telling me that I should never think of this man or our relationship again. Bishop said the slate was “wiped clean” when I repented and it was as if this had never happened.

But it’s not as if this never happened. It did happen and it was important to my development as a sexual person and as the woman who would eventually marry my husband. I have no regrets about my relationship with Dean. At the same time, I’m not at all tempted to resume any intimacy with him.

I Don’t Know Much

Published

on November 20, 2007

in Faith, Family, Marriage, Mormon and Women's Issues

. 3 Comments

That title is not just hyperbole. I really don’t know much of anything, except maybe how to spell hyperbole. I gave up saying “I know” about five years ago. I used to think I knew stuff. Now I know(!) better. That’s one thing I do know: how little I know.

So, given that I don’t know much, here are some things I think and believe and hope, with a teeny bit of knowing thrown in where the term is accurate. Continue reading ‘I Don’t Know Much’

What I know

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