The setting: A small Chinese take-out restaurant. About 4-5 tables are occupied. We make the mistake of entering with a very tired, cranky 4-year-old who would rather eat a corndog than Chinese food.

We order our food. My kid wants noodles, but he’s complaining that they aren’t the RIGHT noodles. We sit down to eat, and my child proceeds to cry, whine, and complain about everything and nothing. We try to appease him by giving him some of our food. He doesn’t want it. We take it off his plate. He throws a fit because he decides he actually does want it. I fold my arms to keep them from uncontrollably flying across the table.

Finally, the warnings come – “If you can’t stop whining and crying, you’re going to have to go sit in time out in the car.” Yes. We mean outside in the car. By himself. Up to this point, we’ve actually never followed through on that threat, although we’ve probably made it 1000 times.

We make the threat about 3 times before he has caused a big scene and has left us more than frustrated. So, we decide THIS TIME, we’re following through. My husband takes my 4-year-old outside screaming and crying and straps him in his car seat for a time out. Ok… I KNOW the rules about leaving your kid in the car. You shouldn’t do it. But we did. Keep in mind that 1) we could SEE the car the entire time out the window and could easily get to the car, and 2) we planned on only leaving him there for 4 minutes (one minute of time-out for each year). But I realize this doesn’t justify our actions, and we probably shouldn’t have taken him to the car for a time out by himself.

There were obviously people in the Chinese restaurant who saw this go down. They saw my husband leave with a crying kid, put him in a car, and come back without a crying kid.

About 4 minutes later, we took my child out of the car. He was happy and calm, and he continued to eat his noodles with us like nothing happened.

When we were almost finished with dinner, a police officer came into the restaurant. There weren’t many people in the restaurant at this time. He made eye contact with me, and I realized immediately he was there for US.

He walked up to our booth and asked, “Um… are you the Smiths?”

“Yes.” We replied.

“I just received an anonymous phone call that there was a child in your car unattended.”

“Yep.” My husband replied. I shot him a look wondering why he didn’t pay attention to any of the cop dramas on TV and demand his lawyer. I was convinced we were going to jail for being bad parents.

“Was he in time out?” The cop asked.

“Yep.” My husband replied. I gave him the look AGAIN. We were going to jail for sure.

“I can appreciate that,” he said, “I have 2 twin boys who are 3 years old. We can’t take them anywhere.”

 

The cop proceeded to take down our information. He told us they have to respond to all calls regarding children who may be “in danger.” But that in actuality, unless a child is in danger of hypothermia or dehydration, there is nothing the police can do anyway. We didn’t get a ticket or even a warning. He didn’t even tell us not to put our child in time out by himself in a car again. He said goodnight and let us finish our dinner.

 

Of course, at this point, we were embarrassed and felt like the kind of people who get the cops called on them for being bad parents. People were staring. And we knew that one of those people in that small Chinese restaurant called the police on us because they thought we actually were bad parents.

 

Now, I don’t think I’m a horrible parent. I’m not always the best parent, and maybe I shouldn’t have put my kid in time out in the car by himself. But I did. And I learned that next time, because there will be a next time, I’ll probably still discipline my child. I’ll just most likely do it in a way that won’t cause anyone to call the police.

 

Besides completely humiliating me, this experience made me think of discipline and how our culture has changed in the way we discipline our kids and what has become acceptable and unacceptable.

 

One of the places this has become most apparent is in sacrament meeting.

 

Recently in my ward, one of the bishopric members stood at the pulpit and asked the congregation that if their children were crying loud enough to be disruptive, to please take them out and to also try and keep kids from running around in the chapel during sacrament meeting. While I completely understand why this was an issue – because our sacrament meetings are very loud and there are many distractions and disruptions by children, as I’m sure there are in many wards – this made some members of the congregation upset.

 

Disciplining children is a very personal thing. We all try to do what’s best for our kids and none of us want to be told that our best isn’t necessarily right.

 

In general, society has moved away from physical punishment, which most people agree is a good thing. There was a time when primary teachers could paddle other people’s kids behinds. Thank goodness that’s not the case anymore. However, many parents of our generation have become overly permissive. I’ve heard some parents say things like, “We try not to tell our child ‘no.’”

 

I think there is a fine line in being overly strict and overly permissive. Children need to have boundaries without having every single move controlled by their parents. You can still discipline your children without exhibiting unrighteous dominion.

 

This may just be my opinion, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for kids to roam the aisles of the chapel during sacrament meeting. It’s distracting. I know it’s hard to keep kids quiet and sitting on or at least close to your bench/seat for an entire hour. However, I also know that it can be done. I’ve watched a family with 6 kids under the age of 9 sit reverently for an hour week after week. I’m not sure what their parents threatened them with, but it worked!

 

There are a lot of different opinions about what are appropriate or inappropriate sacrament meeting activities for children. But honestly, as long as children aren’t disrupting the meeting by running down the aisles, running up on the stand, or army crawling under as many benches as they can, I’m cool with whatever you do to keep your kids occupied.

 

Sometimes, kids escape, or they act up, or they just can’t seem to stop disrupting everyone around them. I’ve experienced it. I guess that’s where the discipline and teaching opportunity comes into play.

 

Fortunately for us, we have 1) The Holy Ghost and 2) The Atonement.

 

Listen to the Holy Ghost to assist in disciplining children. If you’re going to lose your cool and don’t have time to listen to the promptings of the Spirit, either give your kid a time out or give yourself a time out until you are in a frame of mind to effectively discipline your child with the Spirit and with love. And if you’re like me, maybe you should just go ahead and sincerely pray for patience every day.

 

When we do make mistakes, as most of us will, we have the Atonement. When you do something you never thought you’d do as a parent, acknowledge your mistake to your child, ask them for forgiveness, and repent. I’m very thankful for the Atonement as a parent. It allows me to learn from my parenting mistakes and be forgiven for them.

 

Love is the most important aspect of discipline. Nothing motivates kids more than knowing you love them. Discipline your children, but then always show an increase in love.

 

And try to avoid having the police called on you.