I’m sure by now our readers know about the First Presidency letter to be read in church this coming Sunday. I don’t want to get into any debates on this post about the letter itself, or gay marriage. My question is– what do you plan to do when the letter is read this Sunday? Do you plan to be in church? If you support the stance of the letter, I’m guessing that you won’t do much in the meeting itself, but will you actually take action based on it? And if you don’t support the letter, will you walk out? Wear a rainbow ribbon pin to church? Any other ideas? And if you’re in a ward where there is any protest or discussion on Sunday, could you report back here? As for me, I’m still undecided whether to attend, and if so, whether to walk out or not.
Archive for June, 2008
In response to my own post, “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” I came up with some interesting ideas of what’s in it for me by not deciding - by sitting on the fence, or in the lawn chair at the crossroads.
By not deciding, I’m maintaining the status quo, which is the path of least resistance and least disruptive to my family.
By sitting on the fence, I get to work both sides of the fence.
A huge part of this is my (self-perceived) place in the communities on both sides of the Mormon/DAMU divide. I have a lot of my ego tied up in being Nanna P, DAMU denizen and pontificator. Not as well known (but still someone people recognize) is Ann the Bloggernacler. Shallow, but there it is … in both places, I’m “somebody.” Without them, I just another working stiff. By staying on the fence I can be a welcome (beloved!) participant in both groups, as long as I adhere to the appropriate social norms for each (which is pretty easy to do, because I want to be liked). But because I’m on the fence, I won’t ever be wholly in either group.
And then of course there’s the really big inhibiting factor: fear. Fear of everything. Fear of being duped again. Fear of making the wrong decision. Fear of making a big change, but nothing really changing.
So because I am basically a coward, I’ll probably just stay here in the lawn chair at the crossroads for a while longer. There be dragons down those roads.
(This is probably my public navel-gazing quota for the year. Thanks for the space.)
I have been a long-time proponent of just parking at the crossroads. Mormons and ex-Mormons alike always say stuff like “if you don’t believe, you should just leave.” And I’ve argued with that, vehemently. I can stay if I want. However, now I don’t know if I want.
There are a number of good reasons for staying. I like many of the people. The church is weird sometimes, but most Mormons are awesome. My husband is a faithful believer, and our little guy likes church a lot. I think it would be difficult for my husband and confusing for the kid if I stopped going. I’m pretty plugged in to the whole Mormon internet thing and I feel really connected there. Some of the doctrines, such as eternal marriage and the divine nature of the soul, are illuminating and exciting.
Lately, though, I’m starting to think that’s not enough - that I’m stunting myself by staying. I might make a pretty decent Christian in another church, but I’m a crappy Mormon. All my past efforts to the contrary, all my insights and hope notwithstanding, it just doesn’t work. The unique things that are absolutely central to a Mormon identity - modern prophets, the restoration, authority - are completely meaningless to me. The undercurrents of sexism and political conservatism drive me absolutely batty.
What bugs me most about this is that by not deciding I am still making a choice. By maintaining the status quo, I’m staying. In the past I’ve made the decision to stick it out, but I seem to come back and revisit that decision over and over. It’s like the only decision I can make that WILL stick is to leave.
Not too long ago a letter was read in our ward from our stake leaders emphasizing a concern about “casualness.” The letter went on to specify dress standards, stressing outward appearance, but not addressing the heart at all. It seems that God has suddenly become very concerned with the style of shoes we wear, facial hair, and the color of shirts men wear to church. What happened to “But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” 1 Samual 16:7 A few months later an announcement was made in Relief Society. Now I’m not sure if this latest announcement was our bishop’s personal addendum to the “increased casualness concern” or also from the stake, but it was suggested that women wear nylons to church. This struck many of us as a strange request, especially with the added to “help the men out”. I don’t know if it occurs to male leaders who request such things, that by emphasizing dress standards for reasons other than self-respect, women are further objectified and demeaned. If men have a difficult time feeling the spirit because some woman has the audacity to bare her legs then perhaps it’s the men who have the problem. I don’t think it’s the woman.
Not able to pass up on an opportunity to make a joke about the nylon announcement–joking helps me cope, I found a movie photo from “The Graduate” of Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson seducing Dustin Hoffman’s character. She is putting on her nylons in the scene and has her leg up in a classic pose. Well in my spoof, I wrote, …don’t forget to wear your nylons to church… or something like that. I sent it to a few of my closest friends. I noticed that nylons are generational. Few young women even own them. Do they make a woman more modest? I don’t think so. My husband doesn’t think so either. A man in my ward suggested that he could go down to the local sexually oriented lingerie store and buy “fishnet nylons for all the women in the ward who don’t have them.” He went on to say we could leave a box by the door of the church house, “to help the men out.”
Then more recently another announcement was made in our ward. It was that we shouldn’t bring our cell phones to church with us, and that we shouldn’t spend “too much time” with technology on the Sabbath. Hmmm. perhaps cutting out genealogy done on the internet, writing to your missionaries, family, calling on the phone, What? What happened to “TEACH correct principles and let them govern themselves…:” Joseph Smith. Teaching in generalities helps each of us to grow at our own pace and needs. Emphasizing trivial specifics on dress standards, leaves many feeling bewildered and unsure of their own worth. I had to smile at a recent enrichment night held in the church house. In our service project one less active sister wore short shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top. Was her service any less valued? How would she have felt if someone had said something about the inappropriateness of her dress? Does God value the service of a clean-shaven man any more than that of a man with a beard?
True principles apply to everyone. Each person can individually assess and apply accordingly. But when we stop teaching principles and teach meaningless standards, the Spirit is constrained. I feel a void in my life when leaders micromanage and forget “what matters most.” I go to church craving meaning and truth and come home with a hollowness that isn’t filled. I go to church hungry and come home starving or with nothing but a candy bar for sustenance. I urge a return to teaching principles. Let’s not “sacrifice that which matters most for that which matters least.” Also check this post: beneath the surface
In a discussion with my seminary teaching son about the importance of teaching correct principles and letting people apply that to their own circumstances, he mentioned this quote from Elder Scott: As you seek spiritual knowledge, search for principles. Carefully separate them from the detail used to explain them. Principles are concentrated truth, packaged for application to a wide variety of circumstances. A true principle makes decisions clear even under the most confusing and compelling circumstances. It is worth great effort to organize the truth we gather to simple statements of principle.
Elder Richard G. Scott “Aquiring Spiritual Knowledge”
I received word of a study of people’s attitudes about the Book of Mormon. Please take a few minutes to add your responses. The survey is available at
http://nelsonseawright.bookofmormon.sgizmo.com/
All sides of the faith spectrum (true believers, inactives, ex-members, etc.) are welcome to participate.
Fathers come in all types. I’m fortunate to have one who is loving and is always there when I need him. Even 40-somethings can use a helpful word from Dad once in a while, y’know.
We Mormons anthropomorphize God, calling him Heavenly Father, and seeing human characteristics in deity. Of course, in doing this we are following the Greeks and others throughout history. People seem to understand God in much the same way we understand each other. Maybe this is one of my problems with God. Continue reading ‘Fathers’
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