The Cultural Hall

Hello everyone,

I know I don’t post often but I have been thinking about something and I felt like this was the right place to air the laundry.

So like many of you, Mormonism really screwed me up. I mean it was doing a number on me while I was in it, but leaving really turned my brain around. In the subsequent years I have noticed a severe increase in depression and anxiety and a general decrease in more obscure fields like purpose and sense of belonging. After 5 years out of the church I look around and think “Hey! Wha’ happened?”

While leaving the church I was obsessed with not being one of those ex-mormons; the kind who spend all their time seething and hating on the apostles and jumping all over the doctrine and pointing out that Brigham Young owned slaves or whatever. You know, the kind of person whose comments we tend to delete on this site.

That’s not to say I wasn’t mad, but I didn’t really focus it anywhere. I didn’t get mad at the prophet or apostles. They seem like good guys. I didn’t get mad at my bishop, or my mission president even though they were kind of jerks about the whole thing. I didn’t even really have any fights with my parents where I told them how much the church had hurt me. In fact once I left I got really positive about the church just so they wouldn’t… well I don’t know why. It just seemed the thing to do.

Joseph Smith once said, and I paraphrase: Anyone who leaves the church is not just gonna hate it, but they will be an enemy to it the rest of their lives.

Well I don’t want that. Why does it have to be like that?

I have often described the feelings surrounding leaving the church as the same around breaking up with your one true love. You thought your relationship was one thing, but it turned out pretty f’en different. But a lot of those feelings, anger, pain, rage, they don’t have anywhere to go. With relationships you can always find some other sucker to take you on, but I have zero desire to find another religion (sorry Unitarian church, I’m just not feelin’ ya).

So this is my question: What do I do with this black tornado inside of me? What do you do?  Should I pretend I am 15 and the next time I visit my parents storm out of a room slamming a door yelling “You don’t own me!” Should I go punch some missionaries in the nose (god knows it happened to me enough on my mission)? Should I just get a punching bag and some stronger sedatives?

Joseph Smith also said, and again I paraphrase: If a religion can’t ask you to give it everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, then that’s a wussy religion.

Ladies and Gents, I’m here to tell ya, that Mormonism aint no wuss.

Sighsville. Thanks for letting me vent everyone. John I’ll understand it if you take away my posting privileges.