Archive for June, 2007

Accepting Imperfection

Published
by
ungewiss
on June 21, 2007
in LDS, Mormon and Surviving Sundays
. 31 Comments

My dad used to be perfect. He never swore, never missed a prayer, church, family scripture study, or family home evening. He did his home teaching the first week of the month. He was a high councilor for 14 years and served in several bishoprics. We had elaborate shelves filled with food storage and an enormous garden that we all grew to despise. It seemed everything he did had scriptural or prophetic impetus.

Something slowly changed over the course of twenty years, and he’s not perfect anymore. It’s not as if he got lazy—he still won’t swear, still goes home teaching the first week of the month, has served three missions, is a sealer in the temple, and manages to bring religion into every conversation. His habits haven’t become less perfect, it’s just that my perception of him has changed a lot since I was a boy. I can now easily see that he was never actually perfect in the first place.

Perfection can be a tricky ideal. In an organization like the LDS Church where perfection is the ultimate goal, it is easy to develop unrealistic expectations. These expectations cause problems for all of us to some degree—some of us carry feelings of guilt, some rebel, and others bury themselves in scripture and prayer to feel peace in place of the discomfort that comes from facing an impossible standard.

If you’re like me, this culture of perfection probably has not brought you much comfort. It just isn’t realistic to expect perfection from ourselves, local leaders, and even prophets, and learning to accept imperfection from all three has been embarrassingly difficult for me.

My imperfect father never claimed to be perfect, but somehow I developed the perception simply by being around him. He did teach me the Church was perfect. Well, not really “the Church,” because the Church is made up of people like you and me, but General Authorities and prophets were never to be questioned.

I don’t think this belief is unusual, even though most people who perpetuate it find a way to talk around it. “Of course the prophets can make mistakes,” they might say, but in practice they accept every word as if it were God’s own. No matter what we say when we’re pressed, there is an undeniable acceptance of prophetic perfection in the culture of the Church.

I find myself now in a crisis of faith that is really kicking my butt, and it is due in large part to this expectation of perfection that has been incubating since I was born. I hope I’m merely outgrowing a childish perception of the church just like the one I once held of my father, but I admit most of the time it feels more like I’m failing out of my religion.

I’m 30 years old physically, but spiritually I think I’m still fighting through puberty. My growth has come in rapid and clumsy spurts. My spiritual voice cracks. Embarrassing zits cover my testimony. And I argue with God all the time. “As long as you’re in my church,” he bellows, “you’ll follow my rules!” I never win that argument, and that’s the trouble. Like a belligerent 13-year-old I stomp out of the room, slam my door and imagine running away forever. Sometimes I even pack a few bags and sneak out to the yard, determined to leave.

The LDS Church claims it has The Truth, a distinction we embrace because we also claim continuing revelation and the two seem to go so well together. Unfortunately these feel-good doctrines don’t really make me feel good at all. How can I outgrow my unrealistic demands for perfection when the Church claims God is at the wheel? Would God allow mistakes to be perpetuated in his one-and-only true church?

These are loaded questions for a guy like me to ask. Just as I recognize my dad isn’t what I once thought him to be, I also understand that the Church isn’t what I once thought it was. If God wouldn’t allow prophetic mistakes, I have to wonder if God was involved at all. If God would allow mistakes, I wonder how I can know which doctrines were mistakes and which ones were legitmate.

My predicament isn’t helped when I hear prophets and general authorities saying ours is an “all or nothing” religion without room for fence sitting. It seems my path to spiritual maturity requires my learning to cast aside the idealistic perceptions I developed for my religion, even when my religion itself seeks to perpetuate the ideas.

I no longer believe the LDS Church is perfect, but clearly perfection can’t be the standard for goodness in the mortal world or we would have known only evil. The good inherent in many organizations—churches, charities, businesses, even governments—is never without attendant flaws. I don’t have to ignore or rationalize away the deep flaws I may perceive in the Church; it must be possible for the Church to be good and even divinely inspired in spite of its cultural, historical, and doctrinal flaws.

So I guess I consider myself disaffected, disappointed or even lied to by my religion. The Church, and even its doctrine, is not the perfect picture I was raised to expect. Such a realization can be a painful, even devastating, but I think since I’ve already faced it I need only give myself permission to outgrow it—to update my perceptions and earn a new degree of spiritual maturity by releasing my religion from the impossible burden of perfection.

This doesn’t mean I plan on accepting the points of doctrine or history that seem impossible, in fact reaching this level of acceptance might not even affect my opinion of or activity in the Church at all. I don’t expect I will accept what I’ve deemed unacceptable, but I am trying to accept my decision—that the Church is imperfect—and see it through to its logical conclusion: It no longer matters if the culture of the Church implies a degree of perfection, and it no longer matters if home teachers, bishops, or even prophets make claims I find outrageous. I know better.

If my religion needs to be perfect in order to be useful, my progress will be needlessly slow. I’ve discovered that things are not always as they are represented, and with that knowledge comes an opportunity for growth. The Church can be good even if it isn’t as true as I once believed. Can I trust myself and accept that the Church is imperfect, or will the imperfection rob me of the good things the Church has to offer?

Father’s Day Messages

Published
by
Michael Nielsen
on June 17, 2007
in Family
. 7 Comments

Here is a thread to discuss the Father’s Day messages you heard! To begin it all, here is mine.

The informal messages were beautiful. My family took care of my normal morning responsibilities (walking the dog, etc.), so I had the rare experience of an extra 90 minutes of sleep! Then, pefect gifts from my wife and children, and a sweet email from my own father. The day just couldn’t get better than that!

And it didn’t. Most of the messages at church were, well, expected but underwhelming. The sacrament meeting talks about fathers were quite institution-focused. Apparently, what makes a good father is someone who plays his role in the church. I did hear one mention of treating one’s children well, but otherwise it was all about the institution. wow.

Sunday school included the parable of the virgins. You know the story- they need to prepare to meet the bridegroom, but half don’t have enough oil. They were left out because they were foolish and because the wise wouldn’t / couldn’t / shouldn’t share. When the teacher asked what the oil represented, and what lessons are we to conclude from this story, I muttered that we are supposed to be selfish and keep our blessings to ourselves. Bzzzzt! Wrong answer! Answers tended more to say that each of us needs our own testimony; we can’t rely on others’ testimony. Somewhere through the years I’ve heard similar conclusions for what the oil represents. But the thought occurs to me that I’ve never heard this passage reconciled with one of my favorite parts of the D&C, D&C 46, where we read that not everyone has a testimony but that everyone profits from people’s testimonies. My conclusion is that this is another area where people’s reasoning changes to fit the needs of the moment. The more traditional Mormon response is likely that, yes, we can profit from others’ testimonies but ultimately must rely on our own. That rationale is less than satisfying to me, but as you know, I seldom feel satisfied with the usual answer. Of course, I’m open to other interpretations, if you have ‘em.

Now it is time for a nice lunch with my family, and an afternoon of watching the movies they gave me for Father’s Day. It will be a very nice day.

For me, Father’s Day is a good day. I’ve been lucky to have a great father, and to have a wonderful family of my own. This day brings me happiness, with beautiful memories of my family. But not all people have good memories. For some it is because they had an abusive father, or an absent one. For others, the day is painful because their good and loving father is now gone, and the loss still hurts. Whatever your Father’s Day is like, take a minute to write about it here. I’d even suggest that as we do this, “all may be profited thereby.”

Saturday’s Warrior Baby?

Published
by
Paula
on June 16, 2007
in Culture, Family and Mormon
. 13 Comments

“Who are these children coming down, coming down.
Like gentle rain though darkened skies.
With glory trailing from their feet as they go.
And endless promise in their eyes!
Who are these young ones growing tall, growing tall.
Like silver trees against the storm.
Who will not bend with the wind or the change,
But stand to fight the world alone!
These are the few, the warriors
Saved for Saturday, to come
The last day of the world
These are they, on Saturday…”

As many of you probably know, this is part of the Lex de Azevedo musical, Saturday’s Warrior. (Lyrics by Doug Stewart) I was in late high school when it came out, and was already something of a curmudgeon, so didn’t go to see it– but if you were in Utah in the mid-late 70’s, you heard the music everywhere, and it seemed as if everyone had seen it, loved it and accepted it as doctrine. Since I’ve never seen it, it would probably be wise for me to refrain from posting my own synopsis, but I do know that much of the plot revolved around people who knew eath other in the pre-existence, being reunited on earth. And there was some fairly heavy-handed anti-birth control propaganda– the sarcastic song Zero Population.

Somehow Saturday’s Warrior came up in conversation the other day, in a mixed-age group of Mormon women, which included perhaps ten women who are about 60 now. To my great surprise, three of the ten or so women of that age group admitted to having decided to have one more baby after seeing Saturday’s Warrior. One of those women had twins. And a younger woman in the group said that her parents had not been planning on having more children, but after they saw Saturday’s Warrior, they decided on just one more– and that was her. So, I’m just curious– any of you 30ish people know if you were a Saturday’s Warrior baby? (This could make for an interesting Father’s Day conversation.) Or did any of you older folks have “one more” because of the play?

And other than the family planning inspiration, are there other impacts on LDS culture that you see from Saturday’s Warrior? I do think it’s the direct forefather of the LDS movie and music market, but can’t think of anything else.

Actual one other question– how well-known is Saturday’s Warrior today? Anyone here not know about it already?

An Open Hand

Published
by
Russell
on June 15, 2007
in Mormon
. 7 Comments

I listened to a great podcast today on Radio West called “Are Mormons Christians?” Two of the guests were Robert Millet (BYU prof ancient scripture.) and also Krista Tippet (Speaking of Faith on Public Radio).The discussion was interesting. When trying to conduct a “litmus test” of Christianity for any sect/denamination, Krista said, many people/groups approached it by asking,

“What is in the hand that is closed? that is to say you must have these elements, these beliefs, these virtues to be considered a Christian. And what is in a hand that is open? That is extended to the culture, that is reconsidering, that is questioning? Those definitions of what’s in the closed hand? (core values) vs. what’s in the open hand? (values that we may deliberate and navigate)…different Christians answer these questions differently and in different ways. I don’t think that there is a definitive answer.”

Her comments made me drill down to a different question. What is the litmus test for “Are you a Mormon?” Who is included? What is in the closed hand and what is in the open hand for each of us? As I thought about things I value most about my faith, they are almost all in my “open hand”. I am curious to hear your thoughts.

The Ward Cultural Hall

Published
by
Michael Nielsen
on June 14, 2007
in Culture, Mormon and Surviving Sundays
. 15 Comments

I like the idea of the Cultural Hall. It is a place where people can gather to enjoy a wide range of experiences together. My last, most memorable real-life “cultural hall” experience was a high priests’ dinner a couple of years ago. These can be dull and boring, collections of men vying to best each other in some unofficial story-telling competition, but not this one. The dinner was good, and there was entertainment. Fun entertainment, even, that opened up my eyes to talents I didn’t realize my fellow ward members had. They asked me to tell Mormon jokes, as a sort of master of ceremonies, between the real talent acts. It was a blast.

Most of the time, though, our cultural hall is used for Sunday school or other classes. For me, not so fun. In fact, I rarely attend those events.

Remembering that high priests’ dinner has reminded me that the cultural hall in my ward fills many needs. Sometimes, er, usually, it is a place where people gather for spiritual uplift, or education, or group-think, take your pick. Other times, it is a place for socializing, basketball, or even broom hockey. For me, I’ll take broom hockey over group think.

This leads me to ask, how big is the cultural hall in your ward? Big enough that you feel included, at least from time to time? What was the best, most memorable event to take place there?

The Heart of Things

Published
by
Russell
on June 13, 2007
in Mormon
. 4 Comments

Terry Tempest Williams, (writer, naturalist, mormon, etc.) spoke at the Lannan Foundation. The entire address was beautiful and inspiring. I wanted to share one quote from her talk that seemed very appropriate for this Blog.

“The human heart … is where we embrace our questions. Can we be equitable? Can we be generous? Can we listen with our whole being, not just our minds? And offer our attention rather then our opinions. And do we have enough resolve in our heart to act courageously, relentlessly without giving up, ever? The heart is the house of empathy. Its door opens when we receive the pain of others. This is where bravery lives and where we find our mettle to give and receive, to love and be loved, to stand in the center of uncertainty with strength not fear. The heart is the path to wisdom because it dares to be vulnerable in the presence of power.”

Back to the Temple

Published
by
Ann
on June 9, 2007
in Mormon
. 29 Comments

I went back to the temple today. It was my first time there in at least four years (maybe five). Continue reading ‘Back to the Temple’

Katrina takes down a stake on the gulf coast

Published
by
Ann
on June 3, 2007
in Mormon
. 7 Comments

The first testimony this morning was by one of the founding mothers of the church in this neck of the woods. She reminisced about the branch founding in 1960, and the stakes they’ve been in since - Hattiesburg, New Orleans…

“and now Biloxi…”

Her husband is an emeritus patriarch. While he may have some inside knowledge, I can’t think why he would. I don’t know how valid her statement is. However, the idea DOES make sense. Another rumor: I have a friend whose husband is on the high council. She says he told her our stake is being distributed among four others.

The bishop got up with a big grin after testimony #1 and said, “We ask that you all refrain from making any comments or statements about the realignment until after the stake meeting this afternoon.”

You can get away with a LOT of stuff when you’re old.

At the stake meeting, our stake was dissolved. I was four for five on my predictions - the only one I got wrong was my own ward, which is now in the Gulfport Mississippi Stake.