When it appeared on television I’d heard about the 30 Days episode featuring an LDS woman, Katie, living with gay men who’d adopted children. I hadn’t been able to see the program, however, until today, when a friend forwarded me the link. It is fascinating to watch, and it seems to me that Spurlock (the man behind the 30 Days series) has done a fine job presenting a balanced picture of the issue. It is apparent that the gay couple (and their friends) had hoped to change Katie’s mind. They believed that by opening their home and showing that they are good people trying hard to be good parents to four children, their actions would at least soften Katie’s opposition. She remains steadfastly opposed, however, and she describes well how her views are too intertwined with her identity and with her understanding of God and morality to change. The program takes about 43 minutes to watch, and it is well worth your time.
Archive for the 'Family' Category
Fathers come in all types. I’m fortunate to have one who is loving and is always there when I need him. Even 40-somethings can use a helpful word from Dad once in a while, y’know.
We Mormons anthropomorphize God, calling him Heavenly Father, and seeing human characteristics in deity. Of course, in doing this we are following the Greeks and others throughout history. People seem to understand God in much the same way we understand each other. Maybe this is one of my problems with God. Continue reading ‘Fathers’
The California Supreme Court recently ruled that the state’s ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional. The Mormon internet has been busy with comments and reaction to the ruling, which will almost certainly be the subject of a ballot initiative in November to add the ban to the state constitution. Of course, the LDS church’s involvement in 2000 on California’s Proposition 22 is well known, and many observers expect the church to campaign actively in favor of the expected November ballot initiative. We shall see.
Tom Lantos, a powerful member of the US House of Representatives for many years, died recently. In this report of his funeral I learned he had a significant connection to Mormonism: His wife and daughters, who apparently converted some time ago.
Continue reading ‘Tom Lantos and Mormonism’
While reading a New Order Mormon discussion recently I came upon a message that made me stop and think for a moment. The discussion concerned how to deal with family members’ rejection when one has decided to leave the church. A writer described her wish to renounce her LDS Church membership, but feared the rejection that would come from her “DNA Mormon” family. One person commented, “Its hard to believe that there are people who love the church more than their family, but maybe instead of love a better way to look at it is they are more afraid of the church than they are their family.” Continue reading ‘Rejection’
When I was about 8 years old, I remember wondering why my Mom was always so exhausted and wishing that she could relax and have some fun. At the time there was a commercial on TV for a particular perfume that featured an energetic woman doing sporty activities. The details are fuzzy now, but I just remember wishing that my Mom could feel that way. So I went to the drugstore with all of my saved up allowance and bought her a bottle of that perfume for her birthday.
I remember seeing the bottle sitting on the back of the toilet in her bathroom for a few years after that, unused. Sometimes I would go in and sniff the perfume and wonder why it didn’t make my Mom feel pretty and energetic. After a few years went by I felt pretty silly about the gift–Mom wasn’t a perfume kind of person to begin with.
Reflecting on that incident now makes me think about my kids and my relationship with them. Do they see me as someone who is happy and fulfilled? Or do they see me as exhausted and careworn? A non-LDS friend attending sacrament meeting with me awhile ago pointed out how tired all of the women looked. I suppose we are a hard-working group of people–especially us women.
I like to be busy and I probably take on too many responsibilities at times. But I hope the vibe I send my kids is that I am happy with my life, and not that I am too weary. They know I like to giggle, and hear their silly stories, and sing along with the radio too loudly. They see me pursuing my hobbies and working hard to achieve my goals. Though I do have my moments of exhaustion, I’d like to think that my bursts of uninhibited joy are more common. I don’t want my kids to think that motherhood or womanhood is self-sacrificing drudgery. I want them to understand that it’s enlivening even if it’s work-intensive.
What about you, what was your perspective on your mother’s life when you were little? And has that changed as you’ve grown up yourself?
That title is not just hyperbole. I really don’t know much of anything, except maybe how to spell hyperbole. I gave up saying “I know” about five years ago. I used to think I knew stuff. Now I know(!) better. That’s one thing I do know: how little I know.
So, given that I don’t know much, here are some things I think and believe and hope, with a teeny bit of knowing thrown in where the term is accurate. Continue reading ‘I Don’t Know Much’
The discussion surrounding the recent conference talk, Mothers Who Know, was fascinating. I read the Feminist Mormon Housewives and Exponent II conversations and other blog and bulletin board discussions, as well as the comments on the articles posted at the Deseret News and the Tribune, and found that I couldn’t help but react, sometimes in agreement, and sometimes in disagreement. Later I read What Women Know, which focuses on a broadened conceptualization of women’s many roles in life, and I found myself thinking again about the women and men in my life who have made a difference. If I have amounted to anything in life, it is largely because of the things I have learned from others. Whether from women or from men, I most value the things I have learned through nurturance and compassion. Hierarchy, commandments, and guilt have proven poor teachers in my case.
Here is a thread to discuss the Father’s Day messages you heard! To begin it all, here is mine.
The informal messages were beautiful. My family took care of my normal morning responsibilities (walking the dog, etc.), so I had the rare experience of an extra 90 minutes of sleep! Then, pefect gifts from my wife and children, and a sweet email from my own father. The day just couldn’t get better than that!
And it didn’t. Most of the messages at church were, well, expected but underwhelming. The sacrament meeting talks about fathers were quite institution-focused. Apparently, what makes a good father is someone who plays his role in the church. I did hear one mention of treating one’s children well, but otherwise it was all about the institution. wow.
Sunday school included the parable of the virgins. You know the story- they need to prepare to meet the bridegroom, but half don’t have enough oil. They were left out because they were foolish and because the wise wouldn’t / couldn’t / shouldn’t share. When the teacher asked what the oil represented, and what lessons are we to conclude from this story, I muttered that we are supposed to be selfish and keep our blessings to ourselves. Bzzzzt! Wrong answer! Answers tended more to say that each of us needs our own testimony; we can’t rely on others’ testimony. Somewhere through the years I’ve heard similar conclusions for what the oil represents. But the thought occurs to me that I’ve never heard this passage reconciled with one of my favorite parts of the D&C, D&C 46, where we read that not everyone has a testimony but that everyone profits from people’s testimonies. My conclusion is that this is another area where people’s reasoning changes to fit the needs of the moment. The more traditional Mormon response is likely that, yes, we can profit from others’ testimonies but ultimately must rely on our own. That rationale is less than satisfying to me, but as you know, I seldom feel satisfied with the usual answer. Of course, I’m open to other interpretations, if you have ‘em.
Now it is time for a nice lunch with my family, and an afternoon of watching the movies they gave me for Father’s Day. It will be a very nice day.
For me, Father’s Day is a good day. I’ve been lucky to have a great father, and to have a wonderful family of my own. This day brings me happiness, with beautiful memories of my family. But not all people have good memories. For some it is because they had an abusive father, or an absent one. For others, the day is painful because their good and loving father is now gone, and the loss still hurts. Whatever your Father’s Day is like, take a minute to write about it here. I’d even suggest that as we do this, “all may be profited thereby.”
“Who are these children coming down, coming down.
Like gentle rain though darkened skies.
With glory trailing from their feet as they go.
And endless promise in their eyes!
Who are these young ones growing tall, growing tall.
Like silver trees against the storm.
Who will not bend with the wind or the change,
But stand to fight the world alone!
These are the few, the warriors
Saved for Saturday, to come
The last day of the world
These are they, on Saturday…”
As many of you probably know, this is part of the Lex de Azevedo musical, Saturday’s Warrior. (Lyrics by Doug Stewart) I was in late high school when it came out, and was already something of a curmudgeon, so didn’t go to see it– but if you were in Utah in the mid-late 70’s, you heard the music everywhere, and it seemed as if everyone had seen it, loved it and accepted it as doctrine. Since I’ve never seen it, it would probably be wise for me to refrain from posting my own synopsis, but I do know that much of the plot revolved around people who knew eath other in the pre-existence, being reunited on earth. And there was some fairly heavy-handed anti-birth control propaganda– the sarcastic song Zero Population.
Somehow Saturday’s Warrior came up in conversation the other day, in a mixed-age group of Mormon women, which included perhaps ten women who are about 60 now. To my great surprise, three of the ten or so women of that age group admitted to having decided to have one more baby after seeing Saturday’s Warrior. One of those women had twins. And a younger woman in the group said that her parents had not been planning on having more children, but after they saw Saturday’s Warrior, they decided on just one more– and that was her. So, I’m just curious– any of you 30ish people know if you were a Saturday’s Warrior baby? (This could make for an interesting Father’s Day conversation.) Or did any of you older folks have “one more” because of the play?
And other than the family planning inspiration, are there other impacts on LDS culture that you see from Saturday’s Warrior? I do think it’s the direct forefather of the LDS movie and music market, but can’t think of anything else.
Actual one other question– how well-known is Saturday’s Warrior today? Anyone here not know about it already?
A basic element in religion is connection. As I understand it, the root of the word religion traces back to the idea of connection, which people in Western religion often construe as connection with God. Like many who inhabit the cultural hall, I prefer to see it more broadly: spirituality represents connection with the world, with nature, or with humanity.
I was reminded of this when I read a friend’s memoir, published in the new literary journal, Memoir (and). Take a few minutes to read it, and enjoy the sense of spirituality it beautifully expresses.If you’re at all like me, you’ll find yourself reflecting on your connections and the many forms they take. Take a moment or two and, as the hymn suggests, “count your many blessings.” Chances are, your connections are atop that list.
This podcast is literally one of the best I’ve ever heard. It reviews a new documentary (discussed below), and works very hard to say, “You can keep your faith and belief in scripture/revelation, and still embrace your homosexual loved ones .” A true middle way for spiritual folk caught in the crossfire between organized religion and homosexuality. And the interview is set in Utah, so it stands within the Mormon context. Please listen if you can.
SALT LAKE CITY, UT (2007-01-24) If you’ve listened to a debate about homosexuality, chances are you’ve heard the word “abomination” quoted from the Bible. It’s in Leviticus Chapter 20, right after Moses teaches that it’s an abomination to eat shrimp or a rabbit. In the Sundance documentary For the Bible Tells Me So, director Daniel Karslake follows five very normal, very Christian American families who all had to reconcile their religion with learning they had a gay child. Doug talks to Karslake about homosexuality, biology and scripture through the prism of the family.
- You can see Sundance screenings of For the Bible Tells Me So Thursday, January 25th at 2:30 p.m. at the Library Center Theatre or Friday, January 26th at 11:30 p.m. at the Holiday Village Cinema II. For information on tickets, call 435-776-7878 or click here
- For more information on Mary Lou Wallner’s work, visit Teach-Ministries.org
In a recent effort to avoid some pressing task, I settled in to watching an entire disk from
the 7th Season Simpsons Collection. My attention was caught by (what I later looked up on the internet and learned to be) the episode called “Lisa the Iconoclast” (Season 7 Episode 13). Here’s the TV Guide blurb for it:
Donald Sutherland is the voice of the curator of the Springfield Historical Society, where Lisa’s research on patriarch Jebediah Springfield turns up some unknown — and unpopular — facts. Other Voices: Yeardley Smith, Harry Shearer, Phil Hartman
In an attempt to learn more about the founder of her beloved Springfield, Lisa digs deep into history in order to find out more evidence about the mysterious yet charismatic leader. She discovers facts about him that run contrary to everything she has been taught and to what everyone around her believes. First she confronts the historian about the discrepancy. Having dedicated his whole life to the subject, he is understandably eager to dismiss these findings as lies and slander.
Hurlbut: I think, Lisa, that you’ve been taken in by an obvious
forgery. Unfortunately, historical research is plagued by
this sort of hoax — the so-called confession. It’s just
as fake as the Howard Hughes will, the Hitler Diaries, or the
Emancipation Retraction.Lisa: But it explains why there’s no record of Jebediah Springfield
before 1796. He was Hans Sprungfeld until then.Hurlbut: That’s preposterous. Get out! You’re banned from this
historical society! You, and your children, and your
children’s children — for three months.
Lisa then turns to the general populace trying to pull back the curtain for those who still have a deep and passionate faith concerning the leader. The other believers are not swayed and in fact are furious with Lisa for casting doubt onto their beloved leader. Her insistence on talking about her findings eventually alienates her from friends and family. Even her father, her sole supporter, is fired from his job as Town Crier (a role he was born to play) just for standing by his daughter.
Homer: Hear ye, hear ye. My daughter has something to say about
Jebediah Springfield.Moe: Aw, look. That cutie wants to say something cute.
[barflies murmur]
Shut up, you bums, shut up!
Go ahead, angel.Lisa: Ahem. Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than a murderous
pirate who hated this town!
[barflies and Moe's jaws drop]Moe: Good God! Homer, I support, you know, any prejudice you can
name, but this hero-phobia sickens me. All right, you and your
daughter ain’t welcome here no more. Barney, show them the
exit.Barney: There’s an exit?!
Lisa wants to let the matter go but her consciousness plagues her. Can she really live in a world where everyone around her believes something she KNOWS not to be true? She searches for a way to prove to everyone that the man they worship was a fraud.
Lisa: Jebediah Springfield was really a vicious pirate named Hans
Sprungfeld. His tongue was bitten off by a Turk in a grog house
fight.Homer: No tongue, eh? How did he talk and eat [melodramatically] and
laugh and love?Lisa: He had it replaced with a prosthetic tongue made out of silver.
Homer: Yes, that’ll do.
In an effort to clear her name and bring truth forward, Lisa leads a small group of concerned citizens to the former leader’s grave. The group exhumes the body of the dead leader searching for the evidence to validate Lisa’s claims. It’s not there.
Wiggum: Well, that settles it. There is no silver tongue… is there,
bonesy?[takes Jebediah's skull and uses it as a dummy]
[as skull] Oh, I wish chief. With that kind of dough, I could
buy me some eyeballs! [laughs]That’s the spirit, bonesy. Why don’t you sing a song for
the nice people?[as skull] Okay! Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah
doo-dah, Camptown races five miles long…
Lisa eventually discovers the historian that was so reluctant to believe her claims had covered up the truth by removing the evidence before the group could see it. Lisa has her proof; the beloved leader was a charlatan and a liar.
Lisa decides to reveal her findings to the whole town during the parade celebrating the beloved leader. As she stands in front of the happy throngs of people who have looked to this man as a symbol of good and truth and righteousness, a man who they have based so much of their collective and personal histories on, she can’t bring herself to reveal her findings and instead gives her support to the parade. And what about Homer and his town crier role?
Ned: Well, hey, it’s Homer. Good to see you, neigh–
[Homer pushes him and takes his bell]
Homer: Get lost!
[rings the bell]
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye!Helen: He is not the official town crier! Police, do something!
Wiggum: Well, I’d like to, ma’am, but he’s too damn good!
Let him march, boys. Let the man march!
I left the details a little vague in an effort to hammer the similarity a little harder, but this episode seems to very accurately portray the path of a NOM. You replace “beloved leader” with “beloved prophet” and “exhumed his body” with “counted how many wives he had” and you pretty much have my story exactly.
Some critics (if one can refer to people who leave comments on message boards as “critics”) have expressed distaste with this particular episode on the basis of Lisa’s decision to suppress the truth in favor of a positive role model for her fellow Springfieldians. The decision of one character can never equal the moral of the entire show, but Lisa has very often been the ethicist of The Simpsons. If she decides it is wrong to steal cable, then it BECOMES wrong to steal cable (Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment Season 2 Episode 13). Her actions alone cause Homer to give up the thing he wants most in the world (for that episode, for like the rest of us, Homer’s desires will not be tethered) even though people like Marge and Reverend Lovejoy support him. In this way we can see that if Lisa had really put her mind to it, really exercised her place in the community, she could have eventually convinced a good amount of Springfield that the character upon which they had built their whole moral foundation was nothing but a silver tongued pirate.
Lisa always tries to act in a moral manner. Her actions are rarely selfish. Even in season 3 Episode 8 “Lisa’s Pony” she gives up the one thing she wants most because it requires too much sacrifice from a dad who hasn’t always sacrificed enough for hs daughter. And from time to time her decisions are decidedly misinformed and end up doing more harm than good like in the 1st Tree-house of Horror from Season 2 when the family is kidnapped by Aliens and Lisa unveils the Aliens’ plot to eat them (the Simpsons) based on the evidence of a cookbook that looks to be titled “How to prepare humans” but through a series of dust removals is later revealed to be titled “How to prepare for 50 humans”. Her accusations cost the Simpsons a life of fulfillment on a paradisiacal planet. So that was bad.
But Lisa very rarely considers the consequences of her actions. Te reason “Lisa the Iconoclast” is such a powerful episode for her character is the whole episode finds her temed up with (instead of pitted against) Homer. In the begining of the episode he says “You always end up being right about these things. this time I want to get in at the ground floor.” Lisa is happyto have the support, but her actions end up hurting and not helping the person who loves her most. Homer’s trust and accfeptance of his daughter puts agreater responsibility on her.
The question remains, did Lisa make the correct decision? Is it better to leave people in what you consider to be a blissful state of ignorance, or is it better to pull them kicking and screaming out of the cave and force them to look directly at the sun? Lisa’s tragic flaw is her hubris. As some book of scripture says somewhere, “Once men know a little something they think they are wise, but they’re not that wise.”
Lisa’s desire to know the truth and the ability to see where it should and shouldn’t be enforced make her a perfect representative of what a New Order Mormon should be. But most of all she should be admired for her love of her family and her desire to see them happy and fulfilled, be it as a well informed lover of truth or as the best daned town crier Springfield has ever seen.
Christmas time is upon us. It’s a time when we have to get together with folks who we might otherwise not spend time with: our relatives. I’m wondering how the holidays go for others with religious differences at home. At our house, I’m in the odd situation of being the “religious” one. (Odd, since at church, I’m sure I’m considered inactive, even though I attend at least one meeting almost every week– funny how that works in Mormonism, isn’t it?) I used to be kind of a Christmas freak and go all out decorating, baking, partying,etc, and even though I’m over that mostly, I still do want to have a big tree, with my ornament collection and my nativity sets out etc.
Continue reading ‘Christmas Tips’
I think divorce is a wonderful thing.
Almost twenty-three years ago, I married for the first time. I got married quickly. We separated after six years and divorced just shy of our seventh anniversary. We had one child together, and he had adopted my older child.
Divorcing my ex-husband was the single smartest thing I ever did. It was good for me and it was good for my kids. My sullen, frightened daughter became cheerful and optimistic. The chip that had been growing on my little boy’s shoulder shrank and eventually disappeared.
Deep Mormon heritage is often listed as a significant reason why NOMs choose to stay involved in the church. It’s certainly a major factor for me. But every 24th of July, when we drive two hours South to celebrate the holiday with my in-laws in the tiny Mormon town of Kanosh, Utah, I’m reminded in no uncertain terms that in the Mormon world there’s heritage—and then there’s Heritage.
I believe that “O Be Wise,” by Elder M. Russell Ballard from the October 2006 LDS General Conference, will go down as one of the most important “modernizing” talks ever given by an LDS General Authority–if anyone actually pays attention.
This talk was absolutely groundbreaking to me. Please allow me to provide a few examples:
Continue reading ‘“O Be Wise,” or Praise be to Elder Ballard’
On behalf of theculturalhall.com permabloggers, I/we must begin by thanking all of you (posters and commenters alike) for your interest in, and support of theculturalhall.com. Both the growth and the level of conversation so far has exceeded my/our fondest hopes.
As we’ve matured and evolved a bit, it’s clear to me us it’s now time to formalize a comment policy for theculturalhall.com.
My Home, by Rockapella and the Persuasions
Check out my dear friend Buckley Jeppson on Washingtonpost.com.
A few of you may remember my podcast interview with Buckley–he is LDS, and has been threatened with excommunication for marrying his gay partner, Michael (also a dear friend).
I include the link here because Buckley still very much values his membership, in spite of all the struggle–and he discusses his commitment to the church in the video.
All the best to you Buckley (and Mike)…and to the rest of you, I hope you enjoy!!!
On a recent Speaking of Faith episode, The Spirituality of Parenting, (Read more and listen here.), Rabbi Sandy Sasso discussed the challenges of people from a variety of points on the spiritual spectrum fostering their children’s spirituality and answering the tough questions. Though I’m not a parent, I found all of it relevent to my own spiritual journey and experiences. One particular quote from Rabbi Sasso stood out to me:
“Don’t let the people who gave you a bad impression of your religious tradion be the only ones to define it. You, too, are a part of that tradition and you’re not just a descendant, you’re also an ancestor and you helped to create the future of that tradition.”
Continue reading ‘Musings From “The Spirituality of Parenting”’
Some of you may have heard of the term “The Middle Way” within a Mormon context. It denotes (to me) a rejection of the notion that you must either be a TBM (True Believing, Literalist Mormon) or an ex-Mormon. It means staying active within the LDS church, while not necessarily accepting all of the doctrinal or cultural teachings. And to be clear–for me, it does NOT denote a requirement of staying silent on the most important issues.
In this excellent RadioWest interview,
Continue reading ‘Facing East–Carol Lynn Pearson as a Pioneering, “Middle Way” Mormon’
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