Imagine my husband coming into the house. He steps into the kitchen, and there I am at the computer weeping uncontrollably.
“What happened?” asks spouse as he rushes to me.
Between sobs and catching my breath, I try to answer. It takes a full minute before I speak at all, but finally I manage. “Henrietta just told me about a boy who had to throw a brick through a Jaguar window.”
“Someone threw a brick at Henrietta’s car? Wait a minute, Henrietta drives an old Geo Metro. What was she doing in a Jaguar?”
“Not Henrietta’s Jaguar, just some Jaguar. You’re not listening to the story. The boy was on the side of the road and his little brother was in a wheel chair and he fell out. But no one would stop to help, not one person.”
“Why didn’t Henrietta help him?”
“Henrietta wasn’t there. But anyway, the boy had to throw a brick at the car just to get help.”
“Hmmm. So were these boys friends of Henriettas?”
“She doesn’t know the boys.”
“Oh I get it then. She knew the Jaguar driver.”
“She doesn’t know him either.”
Husband backs away now. He removes his arm from around my trembling shoulders. His interest wanes and he rummages in the refrigerator. Husband pulls out brick of cheese and slices off several pieces. “So, where did this happen?”
“I don’t know,” I say, gaining control now, starting to feel stupid.”
“So now who told Henrietta?”
“People.”
“What people? News people?”
“No, not news people—just people. They forwarded to her. And she forwarded it to me. I’m not sure it really happened. It’s just a story.”
“Oh,” he says as he sticks the cheese in his mouth.
“You have to read it. It’s the best story,” I say as I push the forward button to all my list.”
This was a fairly harmless modern folklore to illustrate a typical forwarded email story. However, many stories circulating the Internet aren’t quite as harmless. Many stories include sentimental stories that end with something like, forward this to all the women you know, or everyone who you care about, or who has touched your life in some way. Nice you think, so you press send. Some emails seem nice, but then they end with a little caveat that says if you don’t pass it on to at least seven people within seven days you will have terrible luck. I’ve even gotten one that said if I didn’t pass the email on, I would never have sex again. Common sense should tell you that it isn’t nice to pass these emails on to anyone you do care about, but I have gotten these kinds of forwards. On the opposite end are the ones promising unimagined blessings if we pass it on to everyone we know. Hmmm. Again, think about it. Neither could be true. Resist the urge to pass the email on.
For years I’ve been getting emails about missing children. Most of these are a hoax, and are actually harming the effort to find the legitimate missing or kidnapped children. Before hitting the forward button on these, take a few seconds and go to www.Snopes.com. Snopes checks out all kinds of rumors, and chances are if the missing child is a hoax it will declare it as such. Another popular type of email is the one that is meant to warn people of danger, or good safety tips. This email may start out with an alarming and shocking story. Again, before hitting send, take a minute and check it out. There are legitimate safety precautions, but don’t burden your friends with unneeded worry about something that isn’t true. Here is an example of a popular chilling urban legend. This was number nine of ten safety tips for women. Checking these tips out on Snopes, told me that some of the tips were useful, while others were actually bad advice. None of us want to pass on safety tips which actually increase danger.
9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her “Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.”
The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over. The policeman said, “We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.” He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby’s cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby’s cries outside their doors when they’re home alone at night.
Please pass this on and DO NOT open the door for a crying baby — This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby theory was mentioned on America’s Most Wanted this past Saturday when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. I’d like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.
Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Here was Snopes answer for this part of the email:
A more lengthy debunking of the “crying baby” lure can be found on our page devoted to that hoax, but in a nutshell: no serial killer used that ruse, and the story about helpful policemen who instructed the woman who heard such cries to stay inside and not open her door is fiction. The “audio tape of a baby’s cries used by a murderer to draw women from their homes” fabrication was born of the anxiety surrounding the hunt for the Baton Rouge serial killer in 2002. That case was profiled on America’s Most Wanted in September 2002 and again in January 2003, but neither airing made any mention of the purported “crying baby” theory.
The rest of the Snopes details each of the ten tips and offers better advice on avoiding being a victim.
Another Internet story where caution should be used before forwarding on are those potentially offensive or character impugning ones. These kind are harder for some people to detect. Often the sender feels strongly they are just passing on something that all good moral patriotic folks would enjoy reading: Wrong. Being in the political minority in Utah, these are the ones I get the most which I feel cross the line in appropriateness. With immigration such a hot button issue, some of these are racist in content, others border on slander, while others are meant to be funny, but are probably only funny to those in the same mindset. Often the sender just sends to everyone on their list, perhaps not realizing that a few on that list will find the email offensive. If you must forward these, take the time to cull your list and send it only to those who will truly appreciate it.
With such an interesting presidential race, some emails impugn character. Often the forwarded email contains a partial truth, hyped information, or something out of context. Most people feel passionate about politics and learning as much as they can about a candidate before they vote. Gleaning that information from forwarded emails is not an effective way to find information. Check our facts. Check Snopes.com. They will research for you. If it’s too good not to pass on, then it still will be too good after you’ve asked yourself a few questions before pressing send.
Author Archive for C. J. Warburton
Not too long ago a letter was read in our ward from our stake leaders emphasizing a concern about “casualness.” The letter went on to specify dress standards, stressing outward appearance, but not addressing the heart at all. It seems that God has suddenly become very concerned with the style of shoes we wear, facial hair, and the color of shirts men wear to church. What happened to “But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for [the LORD seeth] not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” 1 Samual 16:7 A few months later an announcement was made in Relief Society. Now I’m not sure if this latest announcement was our bishop’s personal addendum to the “increased casualness concern” or also from the stake, but it was suggested that women wear nylons to church. This struck many of us as a strange request, especially with the added to “help the men out”. I don’t know if it occurs to male leaders who request such things, that by emphasizing dress standards for reasons other than self-respect, women are further objectified and demeaned. If men have a difficult time feeling the spirit because some woman has the audacity to bare her legs then perhaps it’s the men who have the problem. I don’t think it’s the woman.
Not able to pass up on an opportunity to make a joke about the nylon announcement–joking helps me cope, I found a movie photo from “The Graduate” of Anne Bancroft as Mrs. Robinson seducing Dustin Hoffman’s character. She is putting on her nylons in the scene and has her leg up in a classic pose. Well in my spoof, I wrote, …don’t forget to wear your nylons to church… or something like that. I sent it to a few of my closest friends. I noticed that nylons are generational. Few young women even own them. Do they make a woman more modest? I don’t think so. My husband doesn’t think so either. A man in my ward suggested that he could go down to the local sexually oriented lingerie store and buy “fishnet nylons for all the women in the ward who don’t have them.” He went on to say we could leave a box by the door of the church house, “to help the men out.”
Then more recently another announcement was made in our ward. It was that we shouldn’t bring our cell phones to church with us, and that we shouldn’t spend “too much time” with technology on the Sabbath. Hmmm. perhaps cutting out genealogy done on the internet, writing to your missionaries, family, calling on the phone, What? What happened to “TEACH correct principles and let them govern themselves…:” Joseph Smith. Teaching in generalities helps each of us to grow at our own pace and needs. Emphasizing trivial specifics on dress standards, leaves many feeling bewildered and unsure of their own worth. I had to smile at a recent enrichment night held in the church house. In our service project one less active sister wore short shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top. Was her service any less valued? How would she have felt if someone had said something about the inappropriateness of her dress? Does God value the service of a clean-shaven man any more than that of a man with a beard?
True principles apply to everyone. Each person can individually assess and apply accordingly. But when we stop teaching principles and teach meaningless standards, the Spirit is constrained. I feel a void in my life when leaders micromanage and forget “what matters most.” I go to church craving meaning and truth and come home with a hollowness that isn’t filled. I go to church hungry and come home starving or with nothing but a candy bar for sustenance. I urge a return to teaching principles. Let’s not “sacrifice that which matters most for that which matters least.” Also check this post: beneath the surface
In a discussion with my seminary teaching son about the importance of teaching correct principles and letting people apply that to their own circumstances, he mentioned this quote from Elder Scott: As you seek spiritual knowledge, search for principles. Carefully separate them from the detail used to explain them. Principles are concentrated truth, packaged for application to a wide variety of circumstances. A true principle makes decisions clear even under the most confusing and compelling circumstances. It is worth great effort to organize the truth we gather to simple statements of principle.
Elder Richard G. Scott “Aquiring Spiritual Knowledge”
We’ve made some amazing strides. The day when it is possible for a either a woman or a black man to have a really good shot at the highest office in the nation is finally here. It’s something we should all be excited about. Martin Luther King Jr.’s poetic and visionary speech “I Have a Dream,” is close to being realized. But while racism isn’t openly tolerated anymore–people lose their jobs–it certainly rears it’s ugly head. Those of us who are frequenters of the Internet have most likely been sent emails that are racist in content though they are perpetuated as patriotic truth. Any article on the subject of immigration, or Obama which allows Anonymous comments will be filled with racist diatribe. However, racism is legislated against. Even Utah finally has a hate crime bill, which by the way doesn’t include language specific to sexual orientation. Also gender issues still fall short. We’ve seen racism and sexism in this race. Some of the comments made by the voters in West Virginia were embarrassing in this day and age. I can handle them voting for Hilary Clinton–I like her–but some of the reasons folks said they voted for her were to say the least in the mindset of pre-civil rights era. Prejudice is lodged in fear and mistrust and perpetuated by telling lies and half-truths.
Sexism is rampant. Recently during a Clinton speech (someone will know where and when) a sign was held that said, “iron my shirts.” That kind of sexism is winked at, laughed at, and at times embraced. Television allows calling women “bitch” all the time. The word should not be used and next to one other word is about the most degrading thing to say about a woman. Political pundits often use the “b” word to describe Hillary Clinton. I’ve heard Mormon men call her a witch. Seriously, guys–we know what you really mean. Again we’ve made strides. Women have the world open to them and even the highest office in the nation, but still until we can eliminate the kind of language that demeans and is meant to keep women in their place we still have a long ways to go.
I grew up in the 70’s. Feminism was a dirty word in LDS society. ERA–equal rights amendment was suspect. We were taught that legislation that guaranteed what men (white men) took for granted was giving into Satanic beliefs, that equal rights for women would destroy the family. I still remember being angry when a phone surveyor called me in 1982 and asked to speak to the “head of the house.” When I answered that my husband and I were both the heads of the household, the woman actually got angry and told me that if I was married that my husband was the head of the household. I have no idea why I allowed myself to be entrapped by a narrow-minded woman who had bought into the common lingo of the time, but I did and found myself fuming with anger.
The church is still filled with sexism and it’s taught as God’s will and truth. Women are often divided on the issues most important to women, motherhood, equality, families, working, and so forth. We are our own worst enemy. Often women who must work or who choose to work outside the home judge women who stay at home and vice versa. This isn’t common just to Mormon women–Oprah did a whole show on it. It might as well have been a Relief Society discussion. The issues were the same, the arguments were the same, and the group was about as equally divided as I’ve seen in any church group.
I guess my point and I do have one is that we still have a ways to go when it comes to equality. Basically it just comes down to respect. We should learn to be more kind, more accepting, more tolerant, and more willing to give people a chance. And all this means eliminating the kinds of language and actions that divide us, whether they be divisions on race, religion, or on gender. It’s my hope that this presidential race–no matter the outcome–will be one that brings us together.
Since I’ve never lived outside of Utah for more than three months, I’m about as Utah Mormon as they come–that is as far as geography. I grew up in one of those cities south of the Mormon curtain (the point of the mountain) that is close to 90 % LDS. Nevertheless one of my best friends and next door neighbors wasn’t a member. “Jamie” came to primary with me. In those days, primary was right after school on Tuesdays, and everyone simply walked from the school to the church house. I didn’t think anything about her coming. She came simply because it was something to do–not because she had any interest in the church. Besides primary was fun back then. And we got these really cool green bandalos to wear with great looking icons glued onto them. She decided that since she came to my church, that the fair thing would be for me to go to hers, and so she invited me. Her church was called the Community Church of Christ, (I think.) I must’ve been around ten. Continue reading ‘Every member a friend?’
I’d heard once that Sister Camilla Kimball had said that when there was something about the gospel she didn’t understand, she put that on a shelf. I liked the idea. I envisioned a shelf full of food storage and canned goods, and I started piling up my issues–stuff that I didn’t understand. Polygamy—that’s a big one—about a fifty pound bag of flour. Next, the priesthood being barred from blacks—another 5O pound bag of flour. Already my shelf was starting to sag pretty heavily in the middle, but I was doing okay. I could move forward. I still had a testimony. In spite of what people say, about a never-changing church, I was more than okay with the church changing. Nothing is perfect in the early fledging years—so I told myself. We are better now. Polygamy has publicly been labeled a “blip” That “blip” has caused considerable heartbreak, abuse, and misunderstanding—some are still being victimized. Look at Texas. But I could keep that on the shelf.
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